The Real Housewives of Atlanta’s Cynthia and Porsha Have a Big Fight Over …

30 Nov 2015 | Author: | No comments yet »

‘It’s a respect thing': Cynthia Bailey and Porsha Williams get into physical fight on boat trip on The Real Housewives Of Atlanta.

“No. ‘In this group we use the term bitch as a term of endearment and also in a disrespectful way,’ grumbled Cynthia, 47, who had stormed off to sulk on a sun lounger. ‘We’re gonna have a mommy day where nothing is to do with our uterus and everything has to do with the you and us,’ giggled Phaedra, who is the estranged wife of fraud convict Apollo Nida.

Before we get to You Know What, let me just tell you how this episode of The Real Housewives of Atlanta started: It called into question the popular notion that the institution of marriage validates a woman’s worth within a patriarchal society; and it shed some light on the struggle of many women out there who love their children but feel like their investment in motherhood has caused them to fall out of touch with who they are as individuals. But don’t worry: The hour ended with one drunk woman about to lay hands on another woman in a bikini top from the Old Navy toddler section, so all is still right in the World That Andy Cohen Built. Fans saw the couple hit a pretty sad rough patch when Bailey confessed she was no longer in love with their husband after they spent much of their time apart while he tends to his Sports One bar in Charlotte, NC. Besides the soon-to-be-discussed altercation, there was much talk of Kim Fields’s sex life, a not-so-surprising development in the Porsha and Duke relationship, and more shade was thrown than when the Washington Redskins tweeted out a “Happy Thanksgiving” message like they don’t know why that tweet coming from them is trifling.gov/askasenator. And if it’s not a margarita flying, then it’s the playful shouting of “bitch this” and “bitch that” turning into the condescending shouting of “bitch this” and “bitch that” as a result of nothing more than a shot of Hennessy and the misplaced aggression of a failing marriage.

Sensing that the distance was taking a toll on her love life, Porsha Williams stocked up on sexy outfits to wear for Skype sessions with her boyfriend, Duke, who was away at football camp. But where you or I might have an extra glass of wine and write a passive aggressive email during a particularly stressful time, Cynthia stranded herself at sea with six of her closest friends/enemies and then streamlined tequila.

Unfortunately, when the time came for their “date,” Duke was MIA, so Porsha called Phaedra Parks (who had helped her pick out some of the ensembles) instead. “If he is not building you up, honey, he’s like a dead weight around your neck,” Phaedra replied. “Everything runs its course.” Though it clearly wasn’t what Porsha wanted to hear, she appreciated Phaedra’s willingness to give it to her straight. “There was a time in my life that you could not tell me that I was not going to be married with children. If only she’d thought of that before she’d thrown him that insane party to introduce him to all of her friends… Meanwhile, pregnant Kandi Burruss caught up with Cynthia Bailey for a serious conversation. And neither of them will ever be done because they are freaking Housewives, which means that by definition the people on these shows are writing checks they can’t cash.

Kandi revealed that she and husband Todd Tucker were considering opening a family restaurant, prompting a look of sheer terror on Cynthia’s face — probably because she and Peter Thomas had tried similar ventures that had each taken their toll. Gone are the days of shared dorm halls and youthful recklessness — enter quick chats at carpool and exhaustion following dinner, baths, and bedtime.

After casually warning Kandi that operating a business like that was “very, very hard,” Cynthia confessed that she still had plenty of doubts about whether her marriage would survive. “It’s just too hard,” the Bailey Agency owner admitted. “I’m going to bed every night by myself. When Bailey tried to calm Kenya down, Porsha Williams decided to get involved and referred to Kenya as Bailey’s “best friend.” Apparently, Williams really wanted to question Kenya’s friendship with Bailey and she decided to use this opportunity to call out all of the friendships that may be fake. Kenya shows up and sees Sheree mid-sweep and Kenya is like, “I wanna see the inside of your house,” and starts racing Sheree to the back, so she can get inside.

Signing onto a reality show to make a few friends isn’t the craziest thing I’ve ever heard…but this is: “I think a friendship with Phaedra could be a really good start.” Kim goes over to Phaedra’s house to let her adorable sons play with Phaedra’s adorable sons in the pool, complete with lifeguard. They have a nice chat that ends up being quite cathartic for Kim when Phaedra tries asking her what her hobbies are, who her friends are, what she does for fun — anything that isn’t wrapped around her kids — and she can’t come up with any answers. In other relationships that are going nowhere and sinking faster, Porsha Williams is trying to hold onto Duke’s hand while he crosses the street country for football practice. Porsha and Phaedra Parks visit a sex shop for goodies Porsha can wear while sex-Skyping Duke. “He needs to remember how juicy this Georgia peach is!” she announces.

Phaedra promises that they’ll have some “mommy days” and get back on track together, which is a really nice sentiment, but the fact that Kim is wearing knee-length bedazzled denim shorts during this chat, while Phaedra is wearing a crocheted cover-up over a semi-thong bikini makes me wonder if this is the friendship match made in heaven that they think it is. Kim kicked things off by announcing to Phaedra that she didn’t have many (or any) friends who were women, prompting the lawyer to insist that change immediately.

Her co-star decided to remove herself from the conversation because she felt disrespected and decided to talk to newcomer Kim Fields about the entire incident. Playing or not, it’s super bizarre to see someone try to physically get into someone else’s home, especially when just a week ago, the two people were at each other’s throats. And we may have gotten the best of women-supporting-women Phaedra in that scene, but prior to it came this feminism minefield: “Everyone knows that men are hunters and ladies are their prey. The women bonded about what Kim called too much “boobage” on display at Kenya’s haircare launch party, and Phaedra urged the former TV star to find her own identity again, separate from her family.

Thankfully, this “lemme see your house” game stops and the two seem to get along — only minor shade is being thrown, which is the best we can hope for at this point. Plus she’s dating a boy who graduated last week!. “Porsha might be working a little too hard for this young lad,” observes Phaedra, stating the obvious. “But it is none of my business to ask her when I am not asked.” Of course Phaedra, an appreciator of the arts, buys some skanky lingerie all her own. Enter my Theory-That-Isn’t-a-Theory-Because-It’s-the-Stone-Cold-Truth Theory of the Week: That man made a hard exit stage right following Porsha’s creepy underground party for him, and they needed a scene to make it seem like the two of them broke up.

Fortunately, Kim didn’t have to wait long for a chance to start finding herself because Kenya decided to throw a bachelorette party for Cynthia on a boat. Say that one out loud and then ask me again why this relationship might not have worked out.) Also, Kenya walks down a sidewalk-less highway to Sheree’s house in the name of a story line.

Cue Don Juan calling her at home with his unproductive lecture her on”keeping her weight good” despite her “food addiction.” While that is totally true – didn’t his mama ever warn him not to discuss a woman’s weight?! In attendance were Kenya, Cynthia, Kim, Kandi, Porsha, Posha’s friend Shamea (who had mocked Kenya for filling haircare bottles with water during the launch event), Sheree, and Cynthia’s friend Tammy, who happened to be self-described “best friends” with Sheree’s ex-husband, Bob Whitfield. And now, we’ve put it off long enough — it’s time to take group transportation to a staged gathering and pretend like one of the women is paying for it. Luckily Kandi receives a visit from Cynthia, of the Pit of the Peach Peachter, and he is laying down more of those roots in Charlotte to outrun his failed Bar One business in ATL.

But at least Kenya allows Cynthia to bring one guest to her own party, who she continues to call a “stray.” But that’s about as much sanding up for Cynthia’s friend Tammy as I can do because girlfriend turns out to be a reeeeeeal weirdo. In fact, this boat ride seems to bring out the freak in everyone, and not in the fun way the shirtless bartenders first suggest (“Ay y’all, the bartenders ain’t got no shirts on” –Kim Fields who, coincidentally, ain’t got no underwear on).

This is my party,” Kenya cooed to Shamea. (Wait, wasn’t it Cynthia’s party?) Kenya then told her rival, “If you want to take the shortcut, you can jump.” That was just the tip of the iceberg, however. After describing her own husband as “Nazi white” (which didn’t go over too well with the gals), Tammy began badgering Kandi about working with her son, who is apparently a rapper of some sort and is repped by Sheree’s ex-husband. Um, yeah, it’s pretty awkward to have your boobs propped up like an iPhone display at the Verizon store only to have the guy you like not be interested. Kandi tries to mumble that she doesn’t really listen to rap, but it’s clear where this is going: “Anyway, my point is that I need him to get in the studio with you.” Don’t you just know that being on any sports team with Tammy’s son was a nightmare? It’s worth noting that Porsha tries and tries to make this conversation less awkward, but once Tammy describes her husband as “white; the whitest man in America — Nazi white,” she leaves poor pregnant Kandi stranded in the dust.

She also captions the interaction perfectly in her confessional: “Da fuq?” So, my goodwill for Porsha is at an all-time high when the episode’s final shenanigans go down. I won’t even explain it too much because there’s no way to know what happens until we’re on next week’s end of this To Be Continued, but basically: Kenya decides that Shamea has been taking digs at her (although Kim gets in the best shade when Kenya tries to mock her for bringing trail mix to a “catered event,” and sweet Kim responds, “At your last party, you didn’t have no cups!”) and that she’s kicking Shamea off the boat. It’s unclear exactly what happened after that, but based on next week’s preview, it ended with a kicking Porsha pinned to the ground by the production crew. Cynthia says she can talk some sense into her, and Kandi and Porsha suggest that, yes, since Kenya called them best friends earlier, Cynthia should be the one to do that.

Still, Cyn thinks that Kandi should be working less and that’s when Kandi is like, “Todd and I want to run a restaurant, so we put in a bid for a building.” Uhhhhh, okay. Cynthia takes some sort of offense at that and says there’s other shady best friends around here, and Porsha responds, “Bitch, who?” Cynthia freaks out about Porsha “calling her a bitch,” even though everyone has been calling each other bitch all day… Oh, I should probably also note that everyone except Kim and Kandi are completely slammered, but Cynthia is the only one visibly, audibly, and emotionally so. I’ll read to you!” and while Cynthia rolls around on a lounge chair, Porsha agrees to go explain to her that she didn’t mean anything by calling her a bitch. She says she might have to get out of it if this last attempt doesn’t work, to which Kandi responds, “Drama sucks, but you don’t want grow old and lonely.” YES, BECAUSE THE WORST THING THAT CAN HAPPEN TO A WOMAN IS THAT SHE IS SINGLE.

Talk turns to Kenya’s NeverMoore Hair Care launch – Kim found the entire affair distasteful – from the watery-products to the overflowing “boobage” She laments the Housewives cups runneth over – meaning their cup sizes, although there will be plenty more of the other kind later! “I believe that class is in,” declares . , quickly adjusting her seat to hide the thong bikini peaking through her cover-up, agrees. How does Phaedra equate her attention to class, with her love and appreciation for the human body in it’s purest form?! “I’m glad I found myself another crusader to fight the good fight to bring class back to Atlanta,” Phaedra announces smugly. For class matters more than all other aspects of appearance – including self-maintenance. “As long as I don’t look or smell homeless, I’m good!” she states. disagrees – she thinks getting weekly hair and nails is a necessity, otherwise mothers lose themselves to marriage and kids.

RHOA is not about class; it’s about grown black women fighting because that’s what Harriet Tubman wanted when she led slaves on the Underground Railroad. I feel like half the battle when it comes to sex is getting in the mood to take off your Target undies for the same old tired peen you’ve been banging for years. By saying to Porsha in front of everyone, “When you’re invited to a party, you don’t invite other people.” Of course this is true, but everyone is already on the damn boat, so maybe just send that detail in a Gchat instead of when you’re mere inches away from the wig glue of the person you’re trying to embarrass. (3) Somehow we end up on the topic of people’s ages. That’s like when you’ve been on a couple dates with someone and then they change their status on Facebook to “In a Relationship.” When you see that, you don’t go, “Aww.” You’re like, “With who?

Because it damn sure ain’t me.” Kenya is equal parts messy (dropping the best-friend line to show that she’s a better friend to Cynthia than the other ladies are) and thirsty (claiming someone as their best friend when the friendship is shorter than the length of time Breaking Bad was on the air). Porsha believes Cynthia and Peter can make it work especially since Charlotte is only 2.5 hours away. “Hell, I drive an hour to get to work everyday!” she snaps. Then Porsha makes a smart statement and knocks me on my non-RHOA boosted ass. “A divorce is the end of something you hoped would be for the rest of your life. Everyone pretty much reacts to this weird-as-hell description the way I do when I order something extremely healthy and a frenemy goes, “Oh, but I thought you were on a diet.” So Kim finishes her pedi and what does she try to do?

Okay, that is a sad mess that would be in the first five minutes of a Hallmark Movie Channel film called Santa, Send Me a Man or a Vibrator to Clear Out the Cobwebs That Are Currently Over My Vajeen. When the ladies arrive at the boat, Kenya acts as if she’s reserved a 5000 foot yacht, instead of some little clunker skiff with a makeshift bar and low-rent SUR bartenders. “I want a COCK-tail” laughs Kenya gaily. Honestly, I’d rather eat some Planters peanuts and read some an AARP magazine than do multiple shots on a speeding boat with a crew of people who are prone to fight. Porsha tells Cynthia to go handle her “best friend.” Cynthia says there are other best friends who have also done questionable things and then Porsha is like, “Who, bitch?” And that sets Cynthia off. Normally, I would say it’s because the fight is fake, but honestly, Cyn is in so much pain about Peter, it seemed like she wanted to lash out at the first person she could.

She’s caught, however, and, after Kenya flings her Tupperware over the side of the boat (nice polluting!). “You don’t bring Tupperware to a catered event!” admonishes Kenya handing Kim box of sushi she bought at Trader Joe’s. Kenya storms over to the captain so he can kick Shamea off, or Shamea could walk the plank and swim . “You don’t come for the queen,” Kenya barks to a bemused Shamea.

For some bizarre reason Cynthia flips out over being referred to as “bitch” – even though the ladies were playfully referring to each other as ‘bitch’ all day! Personally, I don’t think meant to insult – I think a drunk Cynthia took it the wrong way (we’ve all been there) and a drunk Porsha didn’t react well (we’ve all been there).

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