The most important moments from the ‘Bachelorette’ premiere

19 May 2015 | Author: | No comments yet »

The Bachelorette Premiere Made Us Uncomfortable, But A Triceratops May Have Saved the Day.

During the premiere of the 11th season of “The Bachelorette” Monday night, “25 of the most eligible bachelors in the country” gathered at the mansion to meet, mingle and find love. Let The Bachelorette bloodbath began! kicked off the latest season of the ABC reality hit with a (rather flimsy) explanation for why the powers that be decided to make two hopeful women jockey to become the star of the latest season. Soon enough, there would be 24 eligible bachelors and one very ineligible man named Ryan McDill, who leapt into the pool in his underwear screaming, “I’m so horned up!” In this “controversial,” “historic,” “first time ever” two-night season premiere, the men will vote on whether Canadian dance instructor Kaitlyn Bristowe, 29, or California waitress Britt Nilsson, 28, will become the next Bachelorette. (Both vied for the affections of Chris Soules on last season’s “The Bachelor.”) “The feelings were so strongly split [last season on “The Bachelor”], it seemed unfair to make that decision for the men,” explains host Chris Harrison in the premiere. “Will this be awkward and probably a bit painful? In a nutshell, the host extraordinaire claimed that the potential suitors this year were divided between whether they could see themselves falling in love with Chris Soules castoffs , 29, or , 28, so the show opted to let the men make the final call.

And instead of a lady voting on which dudes should stay, the guys picked which of the two girls would make it to the next week and be the main Bachelorette. But hopefully it will lead to a better chance for true love to blossom.” If there were ever an environment in which true love could blossom, it’s definitely not on this show, which is part of why it’s such a long-lasting hit with viewers, including Jason Biggs, novelist Jennifer Weiner, Charlize Theron and Sean Penn.

Once Harrison had established that it was completely logical to force two women to compete for the coveted position, the show shifted gears to inform viewers about the significant differences between the two potential Bachelorettes. With long-running shows like “American Idol” being canceled after next season and “Survivor” having its lowest premiere ratings ever in February, “The Bachelorette” still attracts loyal viewers who know exactly what they want to see. “I don’t really want to hear the conversations, I want to know the decisions,” Penn told Jimmy Kimmel in March. “And I want to see someone cry. But since this season has too much drama for one episode, we don’t find out who the guys chose until Tuesday night, after they vote by “putting the roses in the girls’ boxes,” which sounds sexual, but is not. Then, see someone get ecstatic, and then . . . cry.” Most fans are in for the hilarity, the roses, the tears, the tension between contestants, the wildly over-the-top producer-engineered dates, the awkward Hometown Dates and the creepy Fantasy Suites, the visits from the EMTs and the drunken pool-jumping (which by some unspoken law needs to happen at least once per season). Chris Harrison’s explanation of getting such a mixed reaction from the guys that the producers decided to let them decide just didn’t sit right with us, mostly because we were still operating under the illusion that the suitors were picked for the star, not the other way around.

Is it sexist to flip the standard Bachelorette dynamic by handing the power back to the guys as the women nervously wait and question their self-worth? Watching the men actually get out of the car and meet the ladies just solidified how uncomfortable we feel about this whole thing, like it was just a way to make Kaitlyn and Britt jealous of each other while the men couldn’t stop drooling. A quick chat with her mom seemed to calm her nerves, however, so even though she still seemed nervous, she also seemed ready for whatever awaited her. The show exists in its own time-space continuum, where most people are blond and Midwestern and wear prom attire and make grand entrances dressed as a large cupcake or driving a souped-up car with a hot tub for a back seat.

The group this season is full of variety and includes a songwriter, a New Age “healer,” a personal trainer, a southern gentleman, a welder, an auto industry exec, and, yes, a stripper (though, to be fair, he did just complete law school and is currently studying for the bar). It’s a world where there is no act more egregious than to appear on the show “for the wrong reasons,” such as hoping to promote one’s singing/modeling/acting/personal-training career. He’s on #TeamKaitlyn and he’s not afraid to show it, calling her “smart and beautiful and funny and very charismatic.” (We agree!) Also, he has a pretty intense back story: He was a Princeton track star who got in a car accident and was “left for dead.” After some intense physical therapy and training, he proved doctors wrong and learned to run again. In other news, one of the guys kissed a plant goodbye in his intro package, so at least these men seem entertainingly crazy enough to help us forget about the twist as soon as this stupid vote is over. In terms of risky but overall successful moves, JJ stood out with his “I’d like to puck you” joke to Kaitlyn, while plant-kisser Tony made the mistake of saying the exact same BS about his views on love to both women. “I’m sorry for being awesome,” said Ryan the overly drunk a–hole right before Shawn, the amateur sex coach, showed up in his hot tub car and Chris rolled up in a cupcake, and we remembered why we love these shows so dang much: They’re completely insane.

It’s probably an issue that you have with yourself or you have with women,” Harrison mansplained on HuffPost Live. “I found that Britt and Kaitlyn empowered each other and they took control of the situation.” “I think you’ll be very proud of how the women act tonight,” he continued, promising that people would forget all about the “two bachelorettes” thing after the chosen one is revealed and it turns into a normal season. “If you have an issue with it, it’s probably within you.” Got that? At Monday night’s introduction cocktail party, Britt tackled the “not serious” notion, saying: “I’m looking for a best friend . . . to share my life with. In light of that analysis, we present the seven most degrading moments of the episode. (Part two, in which Harrison reveals which bachelorette “won” the vote, airs Tuesday night): “How did this happen? Thank you, Captain Obvious. “It’s been a little bit rough for me,” Kaitlyn revealed before Britt jumped in to say that she was “really excited.” It’s also probably worth noting that Britt wore what looked an awful lot like a wedding dress for this first night and kept mentioning how much she was hoping to meet her husband here. He slapped Kaitlyn on the ass, deemed her “Ryan approved,” took off all his clothes, asked if this was the “Gay Bachelor,” and asked another man, “Why am I not raping you right now?” Luckily for us and everyone involved in this show and also the entire world, Chris Harrison took matters into his own hands and kicked Ryan off the show hopefully before he even picked a rose-shaped hole for his rose-shaped rose.

The other guys, however, did get to pick boxes for their roses and we felt like we were watching a strange version of Survivor where everyone was well-fed and wearing make-up. Chris Harrison even pulled a full Jeff Probst when he said, “I’ll go tally the votes!” and we’ve got some new ideas for what the next season of Bachelor in Paradise (our actual new favorite show) should be like. The guys had some time to think about what a wife means to them, and the more wondering we heard about, the more easily we were able to predict the end of the episode: a big fat “To Be Continued” spread across the screen. Ever since the twist was announced, Kaitlyn has not seemed…enthused. “It’s just going to be very awkward and uncomfortable being compared to somebody, and guys are supposed to choose,” she said flatly. “That doesn’t sit well with me.” Still, she quickly qualified that with, “I’m so grateful and I appreciate that I’m even here.” “That makes it more organic I think. While a few of the men reveled in their temporary power (which was just charming), the women were ready for this tap dance to be over and kicked their campaigns into high gear.

I believe in love, the real kind of love and hope that the universe provides.” As if the whole procedure couldn’t get more objectifying, the men literally cast ballots for which woman they preferred.

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