The Bachelorette Tries Boxing, Does Comedy, Reminds Us That Amy Schumer …

26 May 2015 | Author: | No comments yet »

Bachelorette Recap: Amy Schumer Rescues a Group Date, Britt and Brady Reunite.

We may have appreciated JJ’s dirty puck joke upon meeting Kaitlyn last week, but that was only because it mirrored her opening joke to Chris last season. After fighting for the title of Bachelorette last week, Kaitlyn Bristowe faced her first week of dates and quickly got comfortable in her new leading role with her new group of guys.

With that pesky business of which woman would be out of the way, wanted to do nothing more than get to know her remaining suitors better during the second week of the show. But it was the men who began to self-destruct under the pressure this week. “Boxing is a lot like relationships,” undefeated professional boxer/daughter of Muhammad, Laila Ali said while training the fellas for the ring. First, though, Chris Harrison checked in to make sure the season’s star was in the right headspace, since the week prior she had seemed rather shocked. “I am so happy the guys chose me!” Kaitlyn chirped. “I cannot wait to get started.” Meanwhile, a crushed Britt Nilsson called her mother to tell her she was already coming home.

Also, judging everyone by their kissing ability! (Or is that just me?) We start with the classic Bachelorette “waking up” shot, in which Kaitlyn—and her new eyebrows—hops out of bed covered in makeup and looking hotter than ever. However, Kupah’s “I just want to know if we actually have a connection” breakdown was a lot more understandable than JJ’s conscious decision to be the official a—hole of the house.

Making good on his promise to “find Britt” (which probably wasn’t all that hard considering she was still at the hotel), the musician showed up and pretty much swept her off her feet. “She’s the sweetest, most beautiful person I think I’ve ever met,” Brady gushed, while a brief update revealed that just one week later, Britt was calling him her “boyfriend.” Meanwhile, things didn’t go quite as smoothly for Kaitlyn. After hinting to the guys that it will “end with a ring,” Kaitlyn invited world-renowned boxer Laila Ali to find a way to relate reality show relationships to organized punching, and then encouraged all the men to literally fight each other in order to win Kaitlyn’s heart. Daniel, Justin, Jared, Corey, Tanner, Kupah, Ben H., and Ben Z. all headed out for the first group date of the season, which involved a boxing ring — because the best way to get know a potential mate is by watching him try to beat the living daylight out of another potential mate. If you do anything dumb or embarrassing, or in a moment of weakness you say something mean, The Bachelorette will air it, and that mistake will haunt you for the rest of your life. Natural chemistry at an underwater photoshoot brought the bachelorette and architectural engineer, Clint Arlis closer together on the first one-on-one date.

Laila Ali was along to help coach and to wax poetic about how both boxing and love require “focus, discipline, and commitment” (just in case anyone was questioning this choice of activity for a date). Five years after Bachelor Jake Pavelka screamed “Stop interrupting me!” at his fiancée Vienna Girardi on national television, my wife and I still jokingly quote it whenever we get into minor arguments. Big tough guy Ben brought out his soft side by talking about losing his mother, and Jared managed to come back from the hospital just to steal a second and one hot kiss with Kaitlyn.

First he (accidentally) sent Jared the hospital, then he told Kaitlyn about how his mother died when he was only 14, and then he got a rose, securing his place for the next week. After an awkward altercation, the confident Canadian cutie just wasn’t having it and she decided to send him home even before the rose ceremony. “I don’t want to go home. It’s a shortcut to tabloid fame, I suppose, and if you’re not a professional dancer but you want to be on Dancing with the Stars, I guess there’s that. Our hope is that Chris Harrison actually keeps all the photos (remember the wedding shoot from Bachelor in Paradise?) and uses them to adorn the walls of his prayer room.

Kaitlyn kept claiming that this is a trend for engagement photos now, which we’re not sure is totally true, but the pair seemed to enjoy it regardless. In order for the show to work, it needs to build to a final episode where it at least appears that the main Bachelor or Bachelorette is falling in love with multiple people and can’t decide who to pick. After a few dates, the suave Nashville singer asked the California waitress to be his girlfriend and the two held hands and watched the sunset, while Kaitlyn battled the bros at the mansion until a “To Be Continued” silenced the drama for another week. As the guys enter the boxing gym, Kaitlyn explains that they are about to undergo a little bit of training—all the while someone who appears to be “A” stands ominously in the background. It didn’t get better when they were both invited on the group date, which involved being schooled in stand-up comedy by Amy Schumer and a few of her comedian friends.

Honestly, Amy Schumer is a national treasure, and we now would like to demand a show in which Amy Schumer makes fun of average guys who think they can do stand-up comedy, because that was heavenly. Unfortunately, JJ seemed to have no idea that Amy was completely shutting him down as he went on about how he’s “90% smarter than most of the audience,” so it’s hard for him because a lot of people don’t understand his incredibly intellectual jokes. The fact that Amy managed to sit there and simply tell him he was wrong without punching him in the face or at least putting a hand over his mouth and going “shhhhh” speaks great volumes about how much of a class act Amy Schumer truly is. Take, for example, Tony, Season 11’s self-described “healer” and a man who clearly takes himself and his vaguely New Age-y philosophies about life and love very seriously.

He passive-aggressively accused her of keeping him around for dishonest reasons (though he didn’t specify what they were) and then told her, “I didn’t feel like there was a connection until right now.” Kaitlyn promptly responded, “To be honest, I actually felt a connection until now.” Oops. He then tried to recover by telling her how good-looking she was and that he really wanted to be there, but she was looking at him like she wanted to kill him. Hanging around the Bachelor Mansion waiting for a date, he accidentally calls Kaitlyn Britt, realizes his mistake, then fumbles around as he tries (and fails) to play it cool and recover his train of thought before concluding with “Yeah, but definitely I’m here for her,” meaning Kaitlyn, the woman whose name he couldn’t remember a minute ago. She pulled him aside and told him, “I’m sorry; I have to let you go.” He tried not taking no for an answer, calling upon their mutual love of movie quotes as a reason to keep him around, but Kaitlyn remained unconvinced and sent him packing. The other guys, because most of them are nice people, had made a decision that at the cocktail party, the first guys to get time with Kaitlyn would be the ones who didn’t get a date this week.

He was on this episode’s other group date, where eight men trained to box with Laila Ali and then got in the ring and punched the crap out of each other. Kaitlyn claimed she “felt terrible” because she “didn’t want anyone to get hurt,” because what are the odds someone might get hurt on a boxing date? She claims she does, but he’s got questions, and she’s offended that he’s questioning her, and he’s offended that she’s offended, and he overreacts to the point where we’re completely unsure of what he’s even mad about anymore.

Of course, someone did get hurt, though; earnest Rhode Island restaurant manager Jared got the tar beat out of him by man-mountain entrepreneur Ben Z. At the evening portion of the date, Ben Z.—who literally didn’t even win any extra alone time for beating up a million dudes—finally tells Kaitlyn about his mom’s death. Generally, the men did a nice job of balancing their desire not to embarrass themselves and their desire to win Kaitlyn’s heart — except Kupah, who got so wrapped up in landing punches on the heavy bag that he forgot to try to land Kaitlyn. When he finally leaves, he’s not a fan of the traditional exit interview and seems like he’s about to use some of his newfound boxing skills with one of the producers.

She made a note of it in an on-camera interview during the date, but the issue came to a head at the night’s Rose Ceremony, which escalated the tension and awkwardness to heights that were impressive even by the standards of The Bachelorette, America’s most beloved cringewatch. Kaitlyn, during her own interview, sees this happening, and goes to find out what’s going on, and that’s when another giant “To Be Continued” assaults our screens.

Making a stop on the way to the hotel, Jared—in a pink shirt, gold shorts, and Converse—is more confident than ever as he pulls Kaitlyn in for a kiss. The lack of diversity among the show’s cast (and particularly among its prime Bachelors and Bachelorettes) has been a source of frequent criticism, and even the subject of at least one racial discrimination lawsuit.

So worrying you’re being kept around solely to counteract some of that negative press and publicity is a legitimate concern for a guy like Kupah, who claims he doesn’t feel “a huge connection” with Kaitlyn. I think you’re hot and sexy.” Shockingly, that line didn’t work, and Kaitlyn, who’s proving herself a savvy judge of how things will play on television, flat-out warned him that “This is bad.” After a swig of his drink, Kupah doubled down with “I don’t think it’s bad!” “No,” Kaitlyn correctly insisted. “I’m telling you.

It’s bad!” And with that, Kupah finally relented, though the episode ended with him getting increasingly upset in his exit interview, rambling incoherently about the show’s “process,” and screaming at some off-camera producers. Based on this connection, I’m betting this is the guy she sleeps with. (And can you blame her?) Okay, from one hunk of meat—her words—to another, it’s time for Clint’s one-on-one. Kaitlyn all but comes right out and says that Clint’s drawing of Chris Harrison riding a triceratops got him this date, so he better not mess it up now. -After her one-on-one date taking underwater photographs with Clint, Kaitlyn says “This might be the best first date I’ve ever had.” But then after the group comedy date with Amy Schumer, Kaitlan claims “Today was the best date I’ve ever had.” Sorry, Clint. Gisele, the underwater photographer—I feel like it isn’t good for your career to limit yourself to one photographic specialty—takes them through what they’ll be doing and gets them to their wardrobe fitting.

Once dressed, Gisele—photographer/yogi/sex guru?—takes them through some breathing exercises to calm them before she tells them that this date will pretty much tell them whether they have any sort of chemistry. But before they take the (literal) dive, let’s check in at the house, where Tony is pissed that the guys had to box each other, because this competition should NEVER lead to violence.

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