‘The Bachelorette’: Sex and Regret

20 May 2015 | Author: | No comments yet »

Bachelorette Kaitlyn Bristowe Admits to Having Sex With Contestant, Plus Nick Viall Returns — Watch the Wild Season 11 Supertease!.

We’ve always known that there’s a gendered double standard between the Bachelor and Bachelorette, but never more so than on the Bachelorette Season 11 premiere. Bless Chris Harrison’s heart – the Bachelorette host did not keep us waiting when it came time to reveal whether Britt Nilsson or Kaitlyn Bristowe would be moving on as the Bachelorette.

The regular premise of Bachelorette is bizarro, anyway: A bunch of dudes are sent to a mansion to try to convince a rejected contestant to become their wife.“I feel like I’m going to throw up,” Kaitlyn Bristowe blurted out once the charismatic Canadian cutie found out she’d been named the season 11 Bachelorette during the roller-coaster two-night premiere. It’s a lesson imparted not once, but twice by the nationally televised heartbreak of undeniably gorgeous, perpetually crying (if not always showered) Britt Nilsson, whose reality show love journey was cut short tonight by a roomful of bohunk suitors who instead chose to woo wise-cracking Kaitlyn Bristowe as the main paramour on this special season of The Bachelorette.

Monday night saw a Bachelorette bloodbath when Chris Soules-castoffs, Britt Nilsson and Kaitlyn Bristowe faced off for the coveted role of leading lady, as a new batch of 25 eligible bachelors arrived at the mansion looking for their shot at love. For the first time in the show’s history, two women were forced to compete for the immediate affections of the 25 contestants—a vision doomed from the start after one of the “most eligible” men in the country got wasted on tumblers of Fireball and sexually harassed Kaitlyn because he was “all horned up.” Quality of the men notwithstanding, and despite almost unanimous consent over Britt being the hotter of the two, the gaggle of men with made-up professions (amateur sex coach among them) went with Kaitlyn, the 29-year-old dance instructor who they apparently saw as the safe, more appropriate choice. I have to admit – I was kind of hoping that Ryan M. would be the swing vote and that that the drunken, misogynist escapades that got him kicked off meant the whole thing would end up in a tie, but alas.

In the almost five minute-long clip, one contestant gets into a heated argument with another and threatens to “f—king kill him” while another potential suitor breaks down after season 10 Bachelorette contestant Viall makes a comeback. “Nick was such an a—hole to Andi. After 10 seasons, Bachelorette producers made the controversial decision to mix up their romantic recipe and chose to pin the women against each other to determine season 11’s alpha female. Britt took the news as well as one could, thanking Harrison for letting her be a part of the process. “I want to be a wife and mom more than anything,” she said tearfully in the limo ride on the way back to the hotel.

She added that while she was “grateful” for the experience, “I almost wish that I hadn’t met them because that makes it a lot harder to walk away from. Rose ceremonies, open bars, prepaid trips to exotic resorts and nights in a fantasy suite don’t tend to prepare couples for actual marriage– hence, the high number of and breakups– but the show should still be fun to watch, right?

The Bachelorette Is: When the show starts, Chris Harrison does not beat around the bush, he makes a beeline for Britt and immediately informs her in the most circumspect way possible that she is not the Bachelorette. One by one, they seemed to go straight for the 27-year-old California waitress who lists her biggest fear as “being into someone who isn’t into me,” making her extra brave for going on a show like this. As a viewer, you get to playfully judge the eligible men, make snide comments about their inane conversations and laugh at how drunk they get at the endless open bars. This isn’t how I pictured the start of falling in love happening,” Kaitlyn said, hesitant about the experience – while Britt, on the other hand, was excited and admittedly naïve about the change in routine.

How many times do you have to put your heart out there?” When Harrison broke the news to Kaitlyn, he took a page out of Ryan Seacrest’s Book of Reality-Show Hosting: “I counted the votes, and unfortunately, Kaitlyn,” he said, pausing long enough for civilizations to be built, destroyed and built again, “I had to send Britt home.” JJ proved a worthy contender when he revealed to Kaitlyn that he has a 3-year-old daughter; Kaitlyn said that it made her take him more seriously than the others, but not more seriously than smokeshow Shawn B., apparently. It was double the bachelorettes and double the awkward when the limos arrived, introducing an exotic dancer, a hot tub convertible and a drunken fool to the Bachelor mansion. Yet another got deep, wondering if “a simple attraction toward someone” caused you to miss out on someone down the road, hinting that while Britt was the type of girl who may give you a boner, Kaitlyn was the wife material that would give you babies. And so it was revealed tonight, as more men dropped their roses into Kaitlyn’s wooden box, making her our full-time Bachelorette. #TeamKaitlyn cheers rang out through the land. “Kaitlyn’s definitely the best fit for the Bachelorette,” Sean B., one of what feels like an endless number of personal trainers and a Ryan Gosling look-alike, told producers. Before one of them got to be the girl in charge of handing out flowers to dudes, they had to strategically out-charm the other: Only one girl got to stay after a majority of the male contestants voted for her.

Following an evening of mingling and wine-sipping at the season’s inaugural cocktail party, rose ballots were cast based on initial attractions and momentary connections, which soon indicated that the men wanted Kaitlyn to stick around as their Bachelorette. So, in the season premiere, cute, likable, funny Kaitlyn secured the Bachelorette title, only after both she and Britt felt jealous of each other throughout the night. But following a make-out session with her new front-runner, it became clear that some men had been disappointed in Britt’s exit and she’d have to sift through the heap to find out who was Team Kaitlyn till the end.

If you’ll recall, Nick was the one who “made love” with Andi and then told everybody about it on the After the Final Rose special. “The things I told you were real. The way I kissed you, those things were real,” he told Andi, adding that he was “completely blindsided” when she chose Josh Murray. • How long do these tapings run? And then the remaining Kaitlyn had to deal with the un-fun, new challenge of facing an unknown number of men who anonymously voted to keep the other girl. He tells her she’s the Bachelorette, which makes her hyperventilate more, and then he reminds her that she has to stop hyperventilating because she has a Rose Ceremony to oversee, which makes her both hyperventilate and swear. (They could overdub the swearing, but the heavy breathing was there to stay.) Chris then leaves so she can pull herself together and call her mother and try not puke simultaneously.

Tanner, our last KC contestant after last night’s triumph/fiasco involving Ryan M., got a rose and didn’t even embarrass himself with a cheesy voiceover. Things did not improve at the end of the episode, when there was a montage of upcoming Bachelorette clips featuring Kaitlyn kissing everyone, making sex sounds and hooking up with former Bachelorette runner-up Nick V. Good job. “Let’s toast to Kaitlyn!” a tall stubbled guy declares, and then we see a highlight reel Kaitlyn frolicking in some ancient ruins and learning hockey. The Big Reveal: Chris Harrison walks into a room full of men (and probably the smell of sweat and musk, after all that time trying to stake their claim to a woman [insert caveman chest thump]).

Tony, the #TeamBritt “healer” with an unexplained black eye, expressed disappointment with Kaitlyn’s win: like “we are all thirsty” and living it up for the same water fountain, he said. Despite the widespread panic from half the mansion’s inhabitants, instead of immediately breaking them up into groups of those who chose her and “all others,” Kaitlyn graciously allows herself to be pulled aside by guys from both camps. Kaitlyn notes her season’s quest: “Now that Britt is gone I need to figure out if everyone’s here for me,” as the men who picked Britt decide that they will love Kaitlyn now.

Like Tony the healer, who is having a hard time transitioning his energies from Britt to Kaitlyn, even though he originally wanted to vote for Kaitlyn. She’ll dive hand-in-hand with them into a number of bodies of water and she’ll canoodle as suns set, all of which will inspire the show’s typical male response: violent jealousy. “I’m gonna fucking kill you,” one guy says, and seems to mean it. We also learn that Nick Viall, supervillain of Andi Dorfman’s season, returns, successfully, if the pressed-against-door make out session is any indication. Though we know that most of the contestants have sex on the show, this particular sex apparently happens outside of the walls and agreed-upon rules of the fantasy suite and as such, the men go wild with anger and storm off while Kaitlyn cries and cries. Rose Ceremony, Part II: With Brady on his way out the door and the ceremony back under way, Clint accepts Kaitlyn’s rose, then there’s a Tanner, a Corey (or maybe a Cory?), an Ian, another Ben, a Justin and someone else maybe?

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