The Bachelorette recap: Last woman standing

21 May 2015 | Author: | No comments yet »

Bachelorette Kaitlyn Bristowe Admits to Having Sex With Contestant, Plus Nick Viall Returns — Watch the Wild Season 11 Supertease!.

As she put it after host Chris Harrison gave her the bad news and handed her into a limo for the teary ride back to her hotel, “I’m so grateful for the experience, but I almost wish I hadn’t met (the men) because that makes it a lot harder to walk away from.” It’s kind of like letting a couple of kids start unwrapping their birthday presents, then sending one of them to their room and giving all their gifts to their sibling. We’ve always known that there’s a gendered double standard between the Bachelor and Bachelorette, but never more so than on the Bachelorette Season 11 premiere.The first thing Kaitlyn Bristowe did when she learned the guys had voted for her rather than Britt Nilsson was to call her mom. “Mom,” she said, sounding like a little girl. “I’m the Bachelorette.” Say what you will about Kaitlyn, the 29-year-old dance instructor from Vancouver, but she speaks her mind.

Bless Chris Harrison’s heart – the Bachelorette host did not keep us waiting when it came time to reveal whether Britt Nilsson or Kaitlyn Bristowe would be moving on as the Bachelorette.The regular premise of Bachelorette is bizarro, anyway: A bunch of dudes are sent to a mansion to try to convince a rejected contestant to become their wife.

It’s a lesson imparted not once, but twice by the nationally televised heartbreak of undeniably gorgeous, perpetually crying (if not always showered) Britt Nilsson, whose reality show love journey was cut short tonight by a roomful of bohunk suitors who instead chose to woo wise-cracking Kaitlyn Bristowe as the main paramour on this special season of The Bachelorette. In a new supertease released by ABC, the season 11 bachelorette gets down and dirty (yes, her microphone was still on!) with a contestant and even brings back Andi Dorfman’s ex-suitor Nick Viall. I have to admit – I was kind of hoping that Ryan M. would be the swing vote and that that the drunken, misogynist escapades that got him kicked off meant the whole thing would end up in a tie, but alas. In the almost five minute-long clip, one contestant gets into a heated argument with another and threatens to “f—king kill him” while another potential suitor breaks down after season 10 Bachelorette contestant Viall makes a comeback. “Nick was such an a—hole to Andi.

If Britt and Brady become a real couple (they’ve got alliteration going for them, anyway), Britt’s path to love will have been easier than Kaitlyn’s. Well, the best part of episode 2 may have been the normally cheesy lookahead to the rest of the season, which typically features tears, drama and more tears. Britt took the news as well as one could, thanking Harrison for letting her be a part of the process. “I want to be a wife and mom more than anything,” she said tearfully in the limo ride on the way back to the hotel.

The season highlights reel showed plenty of drama to come (plus Amy Schumer!), including kissing, kissing and more kissing, professions of jealousy, confrontations that look like they could get physical and Kaitlyn confessing she had sex with someone. Rose ceremonies, open bars, prepaid trips to exotic resorts and nights in a fantasy suite don’t tend to prepare couples for actual marriage– hence, the high number of and breakups– but the show should still be fun to watch, right? The Bachelorette Is: When the show starts, Chris Harrison does not beat around the bush, he makes a beeline for Britt and immediately informs her in the most circumspect way possible that she is not the Bachelorette. As a rule, I avoid spoilers like the plague, but I did happen to see a tweet that said the guy Kaitlyn bonked was Andi Dorfman castoff Nick Viall, who we know is going to join the cast and at the very least get in some serious smooches with Kaitlyn.

One by one, they seemed to go straight for the 27-year-old California waitress who lists her biggest fear as “being into someone who isn’t into me,” making her extra brave for going on a show like this. He was the runner-up in Andi Dorfman’s season, who broke one of those unwritten rules of the show on After the Final Rose by asking Andi why she’d slept with him if she wasn’t going to choose him. As a viewer, you get to playfully judge the eligible men, make snide comments about their inane conversations and laugh at how drunk they get at the endless open bars. How many times do you have to put your heart out there?” When Harrison broke the news to Kaitlyn, he took a page out of Ryan Seacrest’s Book of Reality-Show Hosting: “I counted the votes, and unfortunately, Kaitlyn,” he said, pausing long enough for civilizations to be built, destroyed and built again, “I had to send Britt home.” JJ proved a worthy contender when he revealed to Kaitlyn that he has a 3-year-old daughter; Kaitlyn said that it made her take him more seriously than the others, but not more seriously than smokeshow Shawn B., apparently. Yet another got deep, wondering if “a simple attraction toward someone” caused you to miss out on someone down the road, hinting that while Britt was the type of girl who may give you a boner, Kaitlyn was the wife material that would give you babies.

On Tuesday, Kaitlyn adjusted to the news that the men had voted her in as Bachelorette by laughing, crying, feeling guilty, feeling like she was going to throw up and calling her mom. “OK, go and meet our future son-in-law,” said mom adorably as Kaitlyn prepared to greet her prospective beaux. And so it was revealed tonight, as more men dropped their roses into Kaitlyn’s wooden box, making her our full-time Bachelorette. #TeamKaitlyn cheers rang out through the land. “Kaitlyn’s definitely the best fit for the Bachelorette,” Sean B., one of what feels like an endless number of personal trainers and a Ryan Gosling look-alike, told producers. Kupah, who voted for Britt, whom he called “a trophy wife,” had no shame about taking up some of Kaitlyn’s valuable time and sucking up by complimenting her for stepping outside her comfort zone. So, in the season premiere, cute, likable, funny Kaitlyn secured the Bachelorette title, only after both she and Britt felt jealous of each other throughout the night. Farmer Chris Soules questioned Britt’s sincerity and eventually kicked her out after a white-hot initial attraction led to the first impression rose, heavy petting, and extra jealousy from the other women—which proved to be the only interesting storyline from the last Bachelor, one of the most boring and unwatched seasons to date.

And now there was “only one drinking fountain and we all must stand in the same line.” Ex-investment banker JJ, another Britt voter, was reassured when Kaitlyn told him the fact he had a 3-year-old daughter made him more attractive to her. Kaitlyn’s first task as the Bachelorette, for example, wasn’t just deciding which guys she liked — but which guys were actually there for her. “Most of them could be here for me, but there could be quite a few guys who were here for Britt who could stand up at any time and say, hey, I’m out,” she said. The way I kissed you, those things were real,” he told Andi, adding that he was “completely blindsided” when she chose Josh Murray. • How long do these tapings run? And then the remaining Kaitlyn had to deal with the un-fun, new challenge of facing an unknown number of men who anonymously voted to keep the other girl. He tells her she’s the Bachelorette, which makes her hyperventilate more, and then he reminds her that she has to stop hyperventilating because she has a Rose Ceremony to oversee, which makes her both hyperventilate and swear. (They could overdub the swearing, but the heavy breathing was there to stay.) Chris then leaves so she can pull herself together and call her mother and try not puke simultaneously.

He tried to be discreet by waiting till they were alone, but of course other men were watching out a window and of course they tattled to the other guys. Most of them, though, just used the same lines they’d used on Britt earlier. “I’m so excited you’re the Bachelorette,” they said. “I’m here for you.” There was kissing, natch, although it was a bit of a surprise to see dentist Chris — aka the Cupcake guy — get the first kiss. Tanner, our last KC contestant after last night’s triumph/fiasco involving Ryan M., got a rose and didn’t even embarrass himself with a cheesy voiceover.

Things did not improve at the end of the episode, when there was a montage of upcoming Bachelorette clips featuring Kaitlyn kissing everyone, making sex sounds and hooking up with former Bachelorette runner-up Nick V. Good job. “Let’s toast to Kaitlyn!” a tall stubbled guy declares, and then we see a highlight reel Kaitlyn frolicking in some ancient ruins and learning hockey. The Big Reveal: Chris Harrison walks into a room full of men (and probably the smell of sweat and musk, after all that time trying to stake their claim to a woman [insert caveman chest thump]).

Finally, it was time for the rose ceremony and blooms went to Chris, Ben H., JJ, Joe, Kupah, Daniel, Ryan B. (not to be confused with drunk Ryan M., whom Harrison sent home), Joshua, Tony, Clint, Corey, Jonathan, Cory, Ben Z., Tanner, Ian, Justin and Jared. Tony, the #TeamBritt “healer” with an unexplained black eye, expressed disappointment with Kaitlyn’s win: like “we are all thirsty” and living it up for the same water fountain, he said.

Despite the widespread panic from half the mansion’s inhabitants, instead of immediately breaking them up into groups of those who chose her and “all others,” Kaitlyn graciously allows herself to be pulled aside by guys from both camps. Kaitlyn notes her season’s quest: “Now that Britt is gone I need to figure out if everyone’s here for me,” as the men who picked Britt decide that they will love Kaitlyn now. Kaitlyn appreciated his honesty; Britt will no doubt appreciate learning someone liked her that much; and aspiring country music artists everywhere will probably appreciate that one of their own — let’s say it together — was “there for the right reasons.” Remember Wes Hayden from Jillian Harris’s season? Like Tony the healer, who is having a hard time transitioning his energies from Britt to Kaitlyn, even though he originally wanted to vote for Kaitlyn. She’ll dive hand-in-hand with them into a number of bodies of water and she’ll canoodle as suns set, all of which will inspire the show’s typical male response: violent jealousy. “I’m gonna fucking kill you,” one guy says, and seems to mean it.

Rose Ceremony, Part II: With Brady on his way out the door and the ceremony back under way, Clint accepts Kaitlyn’s rose, then there’s a Tanner, a Corey (or maybe a Cory?), an Ian, another Ben, a Justin and someone else maybe?

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