The Bachelor Recap: The 4 Most Bizarre Moments, Including a Truly Astonishing …

20 Jan 2015 | Author: | No comments yet »

Bachelor 2015: Jimmy Kimmel guest hosts, Grand Rapids native Kelsey Poe competes.

Superfan Jimmy Kimmel is along for the ride this week, taking Chris Harrison’s place at the helm of this sinking ship. It was Jimmy Kimmel’s night to guest-host The Bachelor and the talk show host brought a welcome dose of humour to the proceedings, surprising Chris at his bachelor pad, tagging along on parts of the first two dates and helping out at the rose ceremony.THE BACHELOR – “Episode 1903” – Jimmy and Chris take 12 stunning bachelorettes to compete in a farm-themed relay race to see if they can handle being a farmer’s wife. Jimmy announces to the “sister-wives” that he is here to help Chris with some tough decisions, a task that will require “making love to each one of you.” Cue nervous laughter Jimmy arrives equipped with his “amazing” jar.

Whether it was her realistic approach to reality dating, her easy laugh — or the fact she was happy to eat beef and drink bourbon — Kaitlyn won over Chris, Kimmel and a number of fans on social media. (Kimmel was pretty good on the night. He had some great lines, “Hello, Sister Wives” cracked me up, and his creation of an “amazing jar” in which anyone who said the word “amazing” had to place $1 was brilliant and proof that he actually watches the show.

The date card promise them access to an “exclusive club” with “high ceilings” and “sweeping views.” They think they’re headed for an extravagant outing until the limo rolls up to Costco. Chris kissed Kaitlyn in a giant plastic ball at Costco; he kissed Jade on his bed; he kissed Jillian in a hot tub; he kissed Ashley I. on a balcony railing; he kissed Amber and Britt and Whitney. MacKenzie was almost in tears, fretting over the fact that after Chris bestowed the first kiss on her, he had since made out with pretty much everyone in the house. “Do you remember, on our date, when we kissed?” MacKenzie asked him, making her 21 years sound more like 12. “Why are you kissing everyone else?” Then there was Ashley I’s moping after the cocktail party was changed to a pool party at the last minute.

He would have kissed Becca, too, but she refused. “There’s a fair amount of kissing going on, which is the point of this whole deal,” Chris said at one point. “When there’s a moment with a person that feels right and it makes sense, I’m gonna do that. She was, like, planning to go for the Kardashian look and then she had to settle for, um, well … even though she’s a freelance journalist, she couldn’t think of the word. I’m here to find a wife and I’m trying to make it as real as possible and forget about the fact there’s a bunch of different women.” Despite all the smooching, some of it in clear view of others, drama between the women was non-existent. Finally able to get some one-on-one time — while looking pretty darn spectacular in her bikini — all she could do was cry about the lack of time she’d been able to spend with Chris, and how Jillian had monopolized his time. Ashley I. got teary when Jillian wouldn’t give her some alone time, but that was about it. “It’s time we get up, it’s time to say hello to the girls.

It’s a Threesome: Back at Chris S.’s house, Chris and Kaitlyn get ready for their dinner, and Chris tells her that he leads an unglamorous life that revolves around farming and Costco (although the closest Costco is almost two hours away). Kaitlyn, 29 from Vancouver, was given the first one-on-one date of the show where they traveled by limo to the unlikeliest of romantic locales…Costco. Cardinal rule number one of the “Bachelor” is to always pretend that you’re in a good mood, even when your glamorous dream date turns into a bargain shopping trip. Kimmel wanted the two to experience what “real couples” do and pick him up some things including “enough ketchup to fill a hot tub.” The couple enjoyed how “normal” the date was and the chemistry between the two looked genuine. Becca may have received the rose on the group date — in part because she refused to kiss him given it’s not something she’d do so quickly in real life — and Kaitlyn clearly wowed him on their trip to Costco, but Whitney seemed to establish the best connection.

It was the perfect date for Whitney, the “little girl who’s dreamed of her wedding day since she was tiny.” “Chris is such a great dancer,” gushed Whitney, who must not get out much. “He has moves right and centre. As third wheel, Jimmy feels like his role is to ask the hard questions: namely, will Kaitlyn be mad if she finds out Chris made “sweet, sweet, sweet love” to three other women in the Fantasy Suite?” “You can’t buy a car without test driving it,” she quips, instantly endearing her to Jimmy. “Come on now,” he says to Chris, “it’s not going to get any better than this.” Jimmy likes this pair so much he suggests a threesome. #kiddingnotkidding At the date’s conclusion, Chris, with much sputtering, manages to award the rose to Kaitlyn. Many of the women never make it past the corn-husking phase, but Carly, MacKenzie, Kelsey and Jillian do, with Jillian’s shorts once again being so small that they earn her a black bar of shame over her behind. Jimmy makes one final dig at Chris’s terrible speaking skills (“Are there people on the farm or just animals?”) and then gives the couple a few minutes of alone time.

Kimmel welcomed them to a “hoedown throwdown” in which they had to test their “farming skills” with tasks that included shucking corn, grabbing eggs from a chicken pen, milking goats and drinking the raw milk, shovelling manure and grabbing a pig. Kelsey gags on the milk, while Amber happily watches from the sidelines because she heard the milk was “warm and salty” which are “not things I like in my mouth” and feel free to make your own joke about that.

In the final challenge, Carly figured out that chasing piglets was counterproductive and it was better to wait for one to come to you, which it did, so she won. Soules, not the quickest liar, met the wedding party and even the bride’s mother with Whitney providing the believable lines to keep them at the party.

Then he went to kiss some more women and hands the Date Rose to a woman named Becca, who may have just accidentally walked onto the set and into the party, because she looks new here. At the group cocktail party, she snatched Chris away for alone time the instant the other women planted their bums on seats. “I get kind of nervous around you, and I know that I’m, like, girlie and sweet, but you are a man and I am a woman so I just wanted to take advantage,” Carly told him before grabbing his face and kissing him.

Jeulia revealed her story about becoming a widow to Soules, Britt wanted more kisses than conversation, and Jade got a tour of the bachelor’s home including his bed (sans Kimmel). Becca spent some time droning on about how Chris was “worth leaving everything for,” and held hands with him and hugged him but wouldn’t kiss him because she didn’t want to rush things. Date No. 3, with Whitney: Despite another date card from Jimmy with the message “Today is going to be fun, no whining,” this was your standard Bachelor date: picnicking amid the beautiful scenery of Saddlerock Ranch in Malibu.

Chris just happened to tell Whitney he admired the type of woman who could walk into a crowd and make friends with “Joe Blow you don’t know from a hole in the wall.” And then he just happened to look over his shoulder and spot a group of people who were so far away the camera couldn’t get a proper fix on them. And despite the fact they were being filmed (from a distance, but still) and they were miked and that Chris asked the bride’s sister, the maid of honour, how she knew the bride, nobody blew their cover. As their conversation deepens, Chris begins listing the qualities he likes in a woman: positive, fun, spontaneous… Whitney absorbs this information as if she’s studying for the SATs.

We hadn’t had enough exposed flesh for one episode, I guess, notwithstanding the shots of Chris, sweaty and bare-chested, doing an outdoor abdominal workout. That kind of negates Kaitlyn’s comment: “So Chris takes his shirt off and jumps in the pool and all the girl are like sharks on a little innocent sea lion.” Innocent, my butt.

We assumed the producers set this up, but Chris looks so awkward and terrified that we almost believe this an impromptu suggestion from eager-to-please Whitney. Juelia described her husband, who had mental health issues, snapping “like I’ve never seen a human being snap” the night before he killed himself, grabbing his gun and screaming, forcing her to flee with her daughter in fear for her life. That tour inevitably led to the bedroom, where Chris showed how he would test the hotel beds when he was on The Bachelorette by jumping on them, which led to Jade jumping on his bed, which led to snuggling and smooching.

It’s all fun and games until Juelia pulls Chris aside and shares, in harrowing detail, what we learned last episode — her husband committed suicide shortly after their wedding. The Rose Ceremony: Kimmel sent Chris off to the ceremony with the words, “Whatever you do, don’t be yourself, be someone who makes better speeches,” advice that Chris did not follow. Roses went to Jade, Samantha, Juelia, Mackenzie, Kelsey, Britt, Megan, Carly, Ashley S. (who we didn’t hear a peep from all episode), Nikki, Jillian and Ashley I.

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