Stephen Colbert’s brutal takedown of the CNBC debate [Video]

30 Oct 2015 | Author: | No comments yet »

Colbert Made Franzen Read Him a Bedtime Story and It Was the Best Possible Use of Jonathan Franzen.

Stephen Colbert joined the list of people blaming the CNBC moderators for asking the GOP uncomfortable questions at the debate on Thursday night’s “Late Show.” From the very beginning, Colbert says it was a shitshow — because the panel asked the one question that no single person in human history has ever answered honestly. “When I interviewed for this job I said that sometimes I work so hard I forget to cash my paychecks.” But of all the crappy answers, it was Ted Cruz that Colbert said was “the most, least.” Cruz answered with his now famous comment that he isn’t the guy you’re going to grab a beer with, but he’ll drive you home. “That’s a great appeal to the voters,” Colbert said. “Ted Cruz 2016: Get in the car.” From that point on, it was CNBC who showed us all how to conduct a debate, unburdened by any respect.According to Donald Trump, one million dollars is a “small” amount of money — at least that’s how he described his father’s initial loan to help him get started in business — so Late Show host Stephen Colbert has now asked him to part with that amount for a good cause.When European villagers were first telling each other the story of “Little Red Riding Hood” centuries ago, a wolf in the forest probably was their biggest fear.

Stephen Colbert challenged Donald Trump to donate $1 million to charity after harping on the real estate mogul and Republican presidential hopeful’s “riches to richer” story on The Late Show Wednesday. On his show Wednesday, Colbert called Trump out for comments he recently made during a town hall presented by NBC’s Today show when the former Apprentice host told Matt Lauer his humble beginnings came from a $1 million loan from his father. The mightily social media-averse author of Freedom and Purity appeared Wednesday night—in full, bespectacled dad regalia—at Colbert’s bedside, reading a bedtime story called “Little Red Reading Hood.” The familiar tale concerned a Big Bad Multinational Monopoly that “gobbles up local retailers in order to build low-wage distribution centers in tax-friendly states.” “What big eyes you have!” marvels Little Red Reading Hood. “The better to see your consumer preferences and target you with advertising!” the monopoly replies. Whether it was tanking poll numbers for Bush or why Fiorina got canned, Colbert said it was the most impolite set of questions “since the Lincoln-Douglas debate started with ‘Mr.

Still, Colbert said, “what the moderators lacked in courtesy they made up for in lack of preparation.” Colbert didn’t find many winners in the 2-hour-long debate — from the viewers on down, it was pretty dismal — but he did salute the one hero of the night, Donald Trump. Lincoln, douchebag says what?’” Of course, these terrible questions perpetuate the “liberal media” bias that the Republicans love to tout, and they did so with gusto each time they got a question that challenged their campaign narrative or ideology. He was so pleased with Trump for negotiating the debate down from three and a half hours to two, he pledged to vote for the bronzed billionaire — with one big caveat. Holding an oversized check for $1 million on his late night desk, the former Comedy Central personality asked Trump for his autograph so the funds could go to Harlem Children’s Zone, a non-profit working with poverty-stricken children and families. “We are honored Stephen Colbert thought our mission to break the cycle of poverty through education and community supports should be the beneficiary of his challenge,” said Marty Lipp, spokesman for Harlem Children’s Zone. Franzen gets to make his points about Amazon’s—I mean, the wolf’s—crassness and greed. (And to sit in an extremely fun-looking rocking chair.) We get to laugh as he mocks his self-serious persona, delivering his lines in a sonorous, pedantic voice that activates our perception of him as a literary father figure: someone at once cranky, stodgy, and wise.

Colbert went on to recount Trump’s uplifting tale, moving from Queens to the unfamiliar world of Manhattan, traversing “the stormy seas of the East River with nothing more than a million dollars in his pocket and the shirt on his back — the other shirts were still at his tailor,” Colbert cracked. Even Chris Christie called the moderators rude at one point, saying that people in his state would find it abhorrent, which is really saying something. “Yeah! Franzen, whose sprawling novels address social mores, gender relations, and technological incursions, is sometimes criticized for spouting off on ideology when he should be developing character.

Thanks to “hard work, perseverance and an accountant well-versed in bankruptcy loopholes,” Trump molded himself into the benevolent billionaire America loves. Closing statements in Newark get chopped up and dumped in the Meadowlands.” But after a few of these long-ass debates became overwhelming to the candidates, Donald Trump went to make a deal. A fusty, earnest dogmatism is clearly the Franzenny bit of Franzenness being targeted here—which is nice, for Franzen, because he has been chided for worse things, such as sexism and snobbery. Who knows, the kids you help might one day be so rich they can blow their cash on a presidential campaign.” 2015 may not bring everything that Back to the Future II promised it would: flying cars, self-lacing shoes, we don’t see ’em happening over the next 12 months. (Then again, don’t bet against Nike.) But this year will definitely pack plenty of punch when it comes to cultural happenings. Mad Max will roar back out of the apocalypse while Mad Men rides off into the sunset, rock’s Antichrist Superstar and hip-hop’s Yeezus will rise again.

As long as you can negotiate your presidency down from four years to …. ya know, two hours feels about right.” But even before the debate began, the complaints were pouring in from the Republican candidates.

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