Rocky Boat Horror Story

30 Nov 2015 | Author: | No comments yet »

‘It’s a respect thing': Cynthia Bailey and Porsha Williams get into physical fight on boat trip on The Real Housewives Of Atlanta.

‘In this group we use the term bitch as a term of endearment and also in a disrespectful way,’ grumbled Cynthia, 47, who had stormed off to sulk on a sun lounger. ‘We’re gonna have a mommy day where nothing is to do with our uterus and everything has to do with the you and us,’ giggled Phaedra, who is the estranged wife of fraud convict Apollo Nida. Porsha Williams decided to go out with her Real Housewives of Atlanta co-stars on last night’s episode because she didn’t have trouble with anyone. Fans saw the couple hit a pretty sad rough patch when Bailey confessed she was no longer in love with their husband after they spent much of their time apart while he tends to his Sports One bar in Charlotte, NC. Now we get to see what happened on the latest “Real Housewives of Atlanta.” Still, we do know that Cynthia was drunk on a boat trip on Lake Lanier Kenya Moore hosted for Cynthia to make her forget about her marital issues.

Besides the soon-to-be-discussed altercation, there was much talk of Kim Fields’s sex life, a not-so-surprising development in the Porsha and Duke relationship, and more shade was thrown than when the Washington Redskins tweeted out a “Happy Thanksgiving” message like they don’t know why that tweet coming from them is trifling.gov/askasenator. She thought Porsha said “Whatever b****” a bit too cavalierly for Cynthia’s taste and got angry in a way we rarely see Cynthia. (Who knew she was an angry drunk?) The argument ended up being something you’d more likely see in a dark bar at 2 a.m.

Porsha said they had spent the entire boat trip calling each other the b-word playfully, that this was no different. “You’re too sensitive!” Porsha said. Sensing that the distance was taking a toll on her love life, Porsha Williams stocked up on sexy outfits to wear for Skype sessions with her boyfriend, Duke, who was away at football camp. Unfortunately, when the time came for their “date,” Duke was MIA, so Porsha called Phaedra Parks (who had helped her pick out some of the ensembles) instead. “If he is not building you up, honey, he’s like a dead weight around your neck,” Phaedra replied. “Everything runs its course.” Though it clearly wasn’t what Porsha wanted to hear, she appreciated Phaedra’s willingness to give it to her straight. “There was a time in my life that you could not tell me that I was not going to be married with children.

If only she’d thought of that before she’d thrown him that insane party to introduce him to all of her friends… Meanwhile, pregnant Kandi Burruss caught up with Cynthia Bailey for a serious conversation. And neither of them will ever be done because they are freaking Housewives, which means that by definition the people on these shows are writing checks they can’t cash. Kandi revealed that she and husband Todd Tucker were considering opening a family restaurant, prompting a look of sheer terror on Cynthia’s face — probably because she and Peter Thomas had tried similar ventures that had each taken their toll.

After casually warning Kandi that operating a business like that was “very, very hard,” Cynthia confessed that she still had plenty of doubts about whether her marriage would survive. “It’s just too hard,” the Bailey Agency owner admitted. “I’m going to bed every night by myself. I’m not even sure when “shade” became common but it’s now an overarching word for people making arch comments about someone else, typically in a passive-aggressive way. Kenya shows up and sees Sheree mid-sweep and Kenya is like, “I wanna see the inside of your house,” and starts racing Sheree to the back, so she can get inside. In other relationships that are going nowhere and sinking faster, Porsha Williams is trying to hold onto Duke’s hand while he crosses the street country for football practice.

Porsha and Phaedra Parks visit a sex shop for goodies Porsha can wear while sex-Skyping Duke. “He needs to remember how juicy this Georgia peach is!” she announces. Kim kicked things off by announcing to Phaedra that she didn’t have many (or any) friends who were women, prompting the lawyer to insist that change immediately. Her co-star decided to remove herself from the conversation because she felt disrespected and decided to talk to newcomer Kim Fields about the entire incident. Playing or not, it’s super bizarre to see someone try to physically get into someone else’s home, especially when just a week ago, the two people were at each other’s throats. The women bonded about what Kim called too much “boobage” on display at Kenya’s haircare launch party, and Phaedra urged the former TV star to find her own identity again, separate from her family.

Thankfully, this “lemme see your house” game stops and the two seem to get along — only minor shade is being thrown, which is the best we can hope for at this point. Plus she’s dating a boy who graduated last week!. “Porsha might be working a little too hard for this young lad,” observes Phaedra, stating the obvious. “But it is none of my business to ask her when I am not asked.” Of course Phaedra, an appreciator of the arts, buys some skanky lingerie all her own. Sheree’s down to party, and then the two of them make a bet that whoever doesn’t move into their house by Christmas has to clean the other person’s crib.

It was a little unclear exactly how this party qualified as a bachelorette bash since Cynthia was still married (albeit unhappily), and didn’t seem anywhere near doing anything like renewing her vows or marrying someone else — but no one seemed bothered by that technicality, so a bachelorette party it was. Cue Don Juan calling her at home with his unproductive lecture her on”keeping her weight good” despite her “food addiction.” While that is totally true – didn’t his mama ever warn him not to discuss a woman’s weight?! In attendance were Kenya, Cynthia, Kim, Kandi, Porsha, Posha’s friend Shamea (who had mocked Kenya for filling haircare bottles with water during the launch event), Sheree, and Cynthia’s friend Tammy, who happened to be self-described “best friends” with Sheree’s ex-husband, Bob Whitfield. This led Kenya to say, “You don’t come for the queen, honey… I’m going to have the captain escort you off the boat.” Before she gets a chance to do that, the Cynthia/Porsha fracas happens. Luckily Kandi receives a visit from Cynthia, of the Pit of the Peach Peachter, and he is laying down more of those roots in Charlotte to outrun his failed Bar One business in ATL.

This is my party,” Kenya cooed to Shamea. (Wait, wasn’t it Cynthia’s party?) Kenya then told her rival, “If you want to take the shortcut, you can jump.” That was just the tip of the iceberg, however. After describing her own husband as “Nazi white” (which didn’t go over too well with the gals), Tammy began badgering Kandi about working with her son, who is apparently a rapper of some sort and is repped by Sheree’s ex-husband. Then she realizes she doesn’t have friends and starts crying. (She certainly needs someone to tell her about her crazy hair choices!) She later tries to befriend Kandi and compliments her over her successes, including her adult toy line. Kim does offer an interesting revelaiont: she doesn’t like underwear. (“I thought she’d be wearing grandma panties,” Kandi said.) At the boat party, Kim is uncomfortable with the drinking. (She doesn’t drink.) She even tries to hide away with a book. It’s unclear exactly what happened after that, but based on next week’s preview, it ended with a kicking Porsha pinned to the ground by the production crew.

Still, Cyn thinks that Kandi should be working less and that’s when Kandi is like, “Todd and I want to run a restaurant, so we put in a bid for a building.” Uhhhhh, okay. She says she might have to get out of it if this last attempt doesn’t work, to which Kandi responds, “Drama sucks, but you don’t want grow old and lonely.” YES, BECAUSE THE WORST THING THAT CAN HAPPEN TO A WOMAN IS THAT SHE IS SINGLE. Talk turns to Kenya’s NeverMoore Hair Care launch – Kim found the entire affair distasteful – from the watery-products to the overflowing “boobage” She laments the Housewives cups runneth over – meaning their cup sizes, although there will be plenty more of the other kind later! “I believe that class is in,” declares . , quickly adjusting her seat to hide the thong bikini peaking through her cover-up, agrees. How does Phaedra equate her attention to class, with her love and appreciation for the human body in it’s purest form?! “I’m glad I found myself another crusader to fight the good fight to bring class back to Atlanta,” Phaedra announces smugly.

For class matters more than all other aspects of appearance – including self-maintenance. “As long as I don’t look or smell homeless, I’m good!” she states. disagrees – she thinks getting weekly hair and nails is a necessity, otherwise mothers lose themselves to marriage and kids. RHOA is not about class; it’s about grown black women fighting because that’s what Harriet Tubman wanted when she led slaves on the Underground Railroad. I feel like half the battle when it comes to sex is getting in the mood to take off your Target undies for the same old tired peen you’ve been banging for years. By saying to Porsha in front of everyone, “When you’re invited to a party, you don’t invite other people.” Of course this is true, but everyone is already on the damn boat, so maybe just send that detail in a Gchat instead of when you’re mere inches away from the wig glue of the person you’re trying to embarrass. (3) Somehow we end up on the topic of people’s ages.

That’s like when you’ve been on a couple dates with someone and then they change their status on Facebook to “In a Relationship.” When you see that, you don’t go, “Aww.” You’re like, “With who? Because it damn sure ain’t me.” Kenya is equal parts messy (dropping the best-friend line to show that she’s a better friend to Cynthia than the other ladies are) and thirsty (claiming someone as their best friend when the friendship is shorter than the length of time Breaking Bad was on the air). Porsha believes Cynthia and Peter can make it work especially since Charlotte is only 2.5 hours away. “Hell, I drive an hour to get to work everyday!” she snaps.

Then Porsha makes a smart statement and knocks me on my non-RHOA boosted ass. “A divorce is the end of something you hoped would be for the rest of your life. Mind you, a mere 15 seconds prior to this statement, she didn’t even know that Kandi had a label because Google doesn’t exist. (5b) Tammy, who is black, describes her husband as white … like Nazi white. Everyone pretty much reacts to this weird-as-hell description the way I do when I order something extremely healthy and a frenemy goes, “Oh, but I thought you were on a diet.” So Kim finishes her pedi and what does she try to do?

Okay, that is a sad mess that would be in the first five minutes of a Hallmark Movie Channel film called Santa, Send Me a Man or a Vibrator to Clear Out the Cobwebs That Are Currently Over My Vajeen. Honestly, I’d rather eat some Planters peanuts and read some an AARP magazine than do multiple shots on a speeding boat with a crew of people who are prone to fight. Kenya mentions how Shamea is rude, which only make Shamea ruder because that’s how she rolls, so Kenya goes to get the captain to escort her off the boat. Porsha tells Cynthia to go handle her “best friend.” Cynthia says there are other best friends who have also done questionable things and then Porsha is like, “Who, bitch?” And that sets Cynthia off. Normally, I would say it’s because the fight is fake, but honestly, Cyn is in so much pain about Peter, it seemed like she wanted to lash out at the first person she could.

She’s caught, however, and, after Kenya flings her Tupperware over the side of the boat (nice polluting!). “You don’t bring Tupperware to a catered event!” admonishes Kenya handing Kim box of sushi she bought at Trader Joe’s. For some bizarre reason Cynthia flips out over being referred to as “bitch” – even though the ladies were playfully referring to each other as ‘bitch’ all day! Personally, I don’t think meant to insult – I think a drunk Cynthia took it the wrong way (we’ve all been there) and a drunk Porsha didn’t react well (we’ve all been there).

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