Real Housewives of New York City Recap: Heather and LuAnn Fight Over a …

15 Jul 2015 | Author: | No comments yet »

‘Don’t Be All, Like, Uncool’.

If there’s one thing we learned about The Real Housewives of New York City, it’s that they like to have quiet, civil dinner parties — oh, wait. There are simply an unbelievable amount of words spoken (generally yelled or slurred, actually) by the RHONY women tonight, but you know who I need to hear more from?Before the fourth and final installment of the Housewives’ trip to the Caribbean island hits television screens Tuesday night, Thomson is sharing her not-so-friendly feelings about the Countess. How about logging a little confessional interview time with that poor chef in Turks and Caicos who thought he’d be making quinoa salads and mixing vodka-waters all week, but instead had to attempt to moisten chia seeds while the flaps of Luann’s The-Dude-robe were whipping him around the face and Heather’s tears were dripping in his freshly squeezed orange juice. After a late-night partying session on last week’s episode resulted in a new male acquaintance of de Lesseps and Ramona Singer sleeping naked in a bed just yards from Thomson and Carole Radziwill, Thomson says, “If LuAnn wants to sleep with married guys or do whatever the hell she wants, it doesn’t affect me, and it really doesn’t affect my relationship with her.

Yep, Bravo’s most unfiltered blonde (sorry, Brandi Glanville) has penned a memoir, Life on the Ramona Coaster, that really opens the door on the good, the bad and the ugly of her life—including her very tough childhood and heart-wrenching split from her hubby of 20-plus years, Mario Singer. It’s that she pretends she doesn’t” that bothers Thomson. “I’m now seeing a pattern – there’s this kind of slithery-snake pattern that happens,” says Thomson. “LuAnn is always painting someone else to be the villain because LuAnn takes no responsibility for her own behavior or her own actions.” Earlier in the episode, we saw Heather and Carole storm around the vacation house, ferociously asking Dorinda Medley, Sonja Morgan, Ramona Singer, and Luann about what the deal was with the nude dude sleeping in what had been Bethenny Frankel’s bed before she smartly exited the trip early.

I’m back in the saddle as your RHONY recapper for one more week and I have to say, I thought every single part of this ridiculous episode—from Ramona getting kicked out of a fight inside a bathroom to Luann stumbling around a kitchen telling her scarred friends to Be Cool My Babies, to watching eight grown women outsource gluing rhinestone hearts onto stretch jeans to their nannies—was hilarious. As Sonja said, LuAnn “will slither right in there, tee it off, then slither back in her shadow.” Strangely, it was Heather, who was defending herself from Dorinda’s drunken antics, that followed a sobbing and screaming Dorinda out of the restaurant to comfort her. After telling Heather that she need to “be cool” about the situation, Luann seemed miffed with how she had escalated the situation, but they ultimately ended the trip on a cordial note. You know—how you’re always so exhausted after a weeklong vacation with friends to an island where you had a personal chef to cook your meals, a house manager to make sure you weren’t murdered by locals (or their vengeful wives), and a TV network to pay for all of your expenses?

They promptly ran downstairs and accosted Dorinda (who genuinely seemed to know nothing), followed by Ramona (who “punted” them to LuAnn De Lesseps, even though it turned out that he was actually “her” guy). But as a child, he was so emotionally and physically abusive to her mother, Ramona was forced to jump in. “I lunge toward him,” she writes, recalling a particularly harrowing night. “I point the blade directly at his face and scream, ‘Stop it. It’s a good thing Heather wasn’t around the last three years when I would wake up every Saturday and Sunday morning to my roommate’s revolving, random men in our house.

Indeed, as exhausting as last week’s rollercoaster of fights about salads and book titles were, this week’s set of fights about cursing and the dos and don’ts of middle-aged recklessness were just plain ludicrous. The episode starts off by finishing up last week’s argument about the f-word where Luann couldn’t even get through explaining how f—ing inelegant it is without saying the word she was condemning. She’s able to tune things out when she needs to. “It’s easy for me to block out the cameras,” she explains. “Probably because, growing up, I had to block out all the noise in my family. It’s almost like their martini-drenched words don’t really mean anything at all; and then, as proof, Dorinda and Heather return from taking their argument outside (where they got in a sub-argument with Ramona about staying out of their argument) having made up. I shut the cameras out, just like I shut out my father’s yelling.” 2. ‘Scary Island’ Was Even Scarier Than We Thought: Kelly Bensimon’s infamous on-camera meltdown during a trip to St.

Carole jumped to Heather’s defense, though, telling the Countess that letting the guy spend the night was, in fact, not cool. “She’s new to this okay?” Sonja Morgan explained to the group of Ramona abandoning the guy the night before. “You don’t leave the guy up there, that’s all. She just needed to see him out or you stay with him.” Everyone had pretty much calmed down when Kristen Taekman entered with the news that the guy she was sucking face with by the pool all night was reportedly married. I would assume that after such an exhausting dinner, everyone might be ready to call it a night, but fights between friends are basically foreplay at this point. Well, I say it all the time, it has no meaning or value to my kid, and he never uses it, so saying it has nothing to do with what kind of mother you are.

Heather surely reacts in a manner not totally befitting the actual crime here (more befitting of the potential of the crime, perhaps)—if the difference between being angry and being fine with something is one nude Ramona Singer then your argument is probably built on a thin foundation—but, I want to be clear here: If your friend is scared and uncomfortable because of a situation that you brought into her life, then you should apologize for it. You should meet her in New York.’ Even Bethenny [Frankel] got on the phone and said, ‘Jill, this is not about the show, we’re worried about Kelly.’ But instead of meeting her friend and helping her at the airport, Jill decided to show up in the villa the next day.” 3. She revealed that she and Heather still aren’t really speaking to Ramona because they’re still upset about the naked man she left hanging out unsupervised in their house. (Apparently, they figured out he wasn’t “LuAnn’s guy” after all, and redirected their anger accordingly.) Then Dorinda showed up (late, Bethenny noted) and blamed drinking since 10 a.m. for her outburst at dinner over the use of curse words. Carole even said in her confessional interview that catching Luann in the act would be the last thing she would ever want to see, which is only going to serve to anger Luann more when she watches that clip back. Yes, She Got a Boob Job: Although she initially denied it, attributing her newfound perkiness to weight loss and push-ups, Ramona admits, “Recently, I did have my breasts done.

I’m good!'” she chirped to the camera. “I’m not mad at her reaction to me, but you said she did it to you,” Heather said to Kristen. “I think Dorinda’s life is a little out of balance. Heather works herself into a frenzy about figuring out how the hell this man ended up as her nude-door neighbor right away, and marches into Ramona and Sonja’s room for answers.

Don’t be all, like, uncool.” To be fair, by the time we get to the most bizarre statement on being cool since John Travolta made that terrible movie with Christina Milian, there has been a lot of arguing back and forth. The anger comes from somewhere.” Carole then broke the news to Kristen that Bethenny was bent out of shape that she went on the record saying somethings about the Skinnygirl mogul that may or may not have been flattering, depending on one’s interpretation. The house manager tells Kristen that Ramona pointed the guy upstairs and told him he could sleep in Bethenny’s room (also that the man Luann made out with was married—very cool!) Fully banged, partially nude, and not admitting to anything, the women finally head back to the city. But just moments after sitting down to get their arts and crafts on, LuAnn announced that she was still mad about what happened with the mysterious naked man. (Seriously, who was this guy?!) That prompted Bethenny to chime in, “We’re the same person.” She then turned to Kristen, “Don’t talk about me in the press. They agree that if Ramona had just stayed in bed alongside her nude man after ridding him of what I’m sure was a Hawaiian print shirt, rather than leaving him to pilfer all of her and Heather’s finest ruffled bikini tops, things would have been cool.

Apparently, when the crew went to check out Heather’s new Yummie jean collection, Kristen was hit with a rhinestone-studded lightning bolt of genius: Bedazzle some damn jeans for charity! She calls it a “diamond and denim” party but there are no diamonds involved—there are, however, stick-on rhinestones, hot glue guns, and metallic fabric pens. For her part, Heather kept insisting that there was a naked man “in her room,” but Dorinda wasn’t buying it. “There was no naked man in Heather’s room. In between Dorinda gluing the host’s animal-print coasters on the back pockets of her jeans and Ramona arriving with enough belly chains for everybody, the group breaks off in pairs to occasionally yell at one another in the living room.

Before it was over, each woman had gotten involved (except Bethenny, who had blissfully slipped out earlier), and while Heather and LuAnn did hug it out, they didn’t seem to actually bury the hatchet. I don’t know, this entire episode could have just been titled, “Grasping at Straws,” which is exactly what Luann and Heather proceed to do as they attempt to assess who was the most violated. So—it seems that when it comes to addressing the arguments of college sophomores on Spring Break… while at a party that features the activities of a sixth grade sleepover… the women of RHONY are willing to settle for the excuses of cranky toddlers.

Will Luann ever realize that she can’t just pick and choose the things that she deems worthy to be judged or not now that she’s a modern-day single woman? Dorinda has glued the host’s coasters onto her jeans, Ramona is adding chains, and I think this is so stupid I’m going to have Captain Morgan prepare me another drink. Heather is once again talking about Dorinda’s problems and one can only assume that it is actually Heather who is miserable and therefore talking about how everyone else is miserable.

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