Miranda Lambert living off “caffeine and sad songs”

30 Jul 2015 | Author: | No comments yet »

Miranda and Blake breakup badly needed boost to gossip mill.

It has been one week since we first got word that Miranda Lambert and Blake Shelton would be pulling the proverbial plug on their nine-year relationship. She cried on stage during her first post-split performance . . . he’s leaning on Adam Levine for support . . . and so on and so forth to gossip infinity. Blake even took — and then tweeted! — a photo of himself walking an empty baby stroller — seemingly his way of poking fun at the aforementioned rumour re: Miranda’s unwillingness to become his baby mama.

With their tabloid-worthy, down and dirty, he-did/she-did divorce narrative, the former First Couple of country music are providing the dramatic, A-list celebrity break that the internet has been thirsting for ever since Gwyneth Paltrow came along and made us put down our pitchforks. Hard to believe that it’s been almost a year and a half since the actress-slash-lifestyle-guru-slash-professional-agitator brought “conscious uncoupling” into the public lexicon after announcing that she and her now ex-husband Chris Martin would be turning divorce into yet another thing that they did better than the rest of us. The term was actually coined a few years earlier by an American therapist named Katherine Woodward Thomas, who describes the approach as a way to “lovingly complet[e] a relationship” in a way that will “leave you feeling whole and healed and at peace.” It sounds totally enlightened and admirable and good for the little ones and all that—but from a gossip perspective, it’s about as exciting as one of Paltrow’s beloved kale salads. Take the recent split between Ben Affleck and Jennifer Garner, which has provided relatively minimal gossip fodder given the massiveness of the celebrities involved. They announced the split while away on a family vacation, both appear to be keeping up with work obligations, spending time with their kids and following a measured and mature path to parting ways.

A few days after the Bennifer II split was announced, New York magazine published an interview with Rob Shuter, a former celebrity publicist who worked for Jennifer Lopez back when she and Ben Affleck hit the skids. The explosion of social media has made it so that even we regular folk present curated versions of ourselves through stylishly filtered photos and 140 character musings. Chances are the person sitting across from you at the office has some sort of personal branding strategy; is it any wonder that the guy who is about to make or break a potentially billion dollar Batman movie might make the same considerations? And in many ways, this trend towards temperance in public break-ups is probably —okay, fine, definitely — a good thing, given that celebrities are apparently “just like Us,” with real feelings and families, etc. Still, this civility makes a gossip fiend long for the good old days — back when Ashton Kutcher was caught canoodling in a hot tub, and The Terminator confessed to shtupping the maid.

Or even further back, to when Julia Roberts pulled a real life runaway bride, skipping out on her engagement to Kiefer Sutherland and hightailing it to Ireland with his best friend.

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