Matt Bomer dancing to ‘Hotline Bling’ is all of us

23 Dec 2015 | Author: | No comments yet »

American Horror Story Provides Us with Matt Bomer Dancing to “Hotline Bling”.

Matt Bomer gave American Horror Story: Hotel viewers a special treat on Wednesday, December 16, when he closed his eyes and got down and dirty to Drake’s “Hotline Bling” — and his dance moves were everything we could ever have hoped for!Having only recently discovered that her dead husband imprisoned her undead boyfriend Rudolph Valentino in the hotel some 90 years ago and made it appear that he just ran off without her, Lady Gaga is having a sorry for herself. Adele wants to remix it; Bieber’s covered it; Trump’s danced to it; President Obama has “sung” it—yesterday, Amy Schumer and Bryan Cranston performed a dramatic recitation of it.

The choreographed moment occurred when Bomer’s Donovan took a moment to himself while awaiting his punishment from the Countess for killing Valentino, evidently deciding Drake’s tunes were the perfect way to take his mind off his worries. The Countess and Donovan were both murdered by Iris and Liz while the tune of “Hotline Bling” played on in the background. (That’s how I would like to eventually go as well FYI.) And Sally is feeling more murder-y than ever before now that John’s left her to go back to his family. (Sometimes serial killers are just so thoughtless.) However, the most important takeaway, for me, came during the promo for the show’s Jan. 6 episode. As he slinked his way round the room, lost in the moment, we almost lost our minds — at least until the Countess (aka Gaga) turned up and ruined it all! In fact, Gaga’s entrance was the start of a pretty crucial plot twist (no spoilers here — but let’s just say Twitter erupted in response to what came next). The dance was short-lived, however, as Lady Gaga’s Countess entered the room and—rather than join in for a pairs dance—had other matters on her mind.

And, honestly, it usually wouldn’t be on “AHS,” which may have occasionally threatened its main characters, but since Emma Roberts’ Madison Montgomery came back from the dead with a “surprise,” hasn’t been able to commit to killing — or even pretending to kill — any of its stars. As he leaves, Lady Gaga orders Liz Taylor to have flowers delivered for the wedding, and Liz Taylor is like, “I’M SORRY, YOU’RE ASKING ME TO ORDER YOUR WEDDING FLOWERS AFTER YOU KILLED MY ONE TRUE LOVE? And while they certainly sprayed the room with bullets — and the teaser for the next episode showed Liz wheeling a body down the hall — that certainly doesn’t mean that the two vampires couldn’t have dodged, or somehow otherwise survived their attack. I knew that Sarah Paulson would be reprising her role as Billie Dean Howard from Murder House, but I think Gabby’s guest star appearance has somehow managed to be kept under wraps. Chloë, she watches an alarming news report about a homeless man who was found exsanguinated and how the authorities are looking for a group of children who might have witnessed the attack.

Either way, this was pretty much the best Christmas gift I could’ve been given. (Thanks Santa!) But that still leaves us with a very important question to consider: who exactly will Gabby be playing? Not that this keeps her from having the sexxytimes with Donovan, whom she chastises for not fighting hard enough to stay in her good graces and pants. Blah blah blah porn is bad for everyone blah, and, rather impractically, she allows them to get started with their project before coming back up and slitting (most) everyone’s throat. Anyway, the point is, the male porn star flees to the bathroom, so Iris busies herself by draining his female co-star, which is where Donovan finds her. Donovan then takes James Deen to Ramona Royale’s house as a hostess gift, explaining that he’s wormed his way back into Lady Gaga’s affections, but is still bent on revenge because he craves her too much or some strained metaphor for addiction.

The boys cheerfully explain that they killed all of their parents and are really into this adult-free life, while the girls are more reluctant and refusing to feed, which is making their measles flare up. But when Ramona Royale closes in on Lady Gaga to “finish the job,” Lada Gaga leaps up because of course Donovan was in cahoots with Lady Gaga the whole time. While a confused Iris looks on, Donovan loads Ramona Royale into a purple neon-lit cage in Lady Gaga’s new torture chamber (procuring the neon itself must have given that poor contractor fits) explaining that the cameras in the ceiling are so they can watch “our” enemies.

It’s all good!” Iris, shocked that Donovan has double-crossed Ramona Royale and herself asks why he saved her in the first place, and he explains that he had a moment of weakness and should have let her die. Ramona Royale is inclined to agree, hissing that Lady Gaga has already moved on from him, and if he doesn’t believe that, he’s dumber than he is pretty. It’s wedding time back at the hotel, and the preacher asks if anyone present knows why this Will Drake and this Lady Gaga can not be joined in matrimony. But the wedding proceeds and as Lady Gaga goes upstairs to put on her traveling clothes, Will Drake heads to the bar to pour himself something fancy to celebrate. March then leads Will Drake up to Bartholomew’s room to introduce him to his new stepson, and Will Drake is like, “WHAT THE WHAT?” Lady Gaga happens to walk in at that moment, and disappointed in Will Drake’s disgust, explains that she was going to kill him in Paris, but instead will now make sure he suffers immediately.

With that, she whacks him in the head with a toy train, which hardly seems to be a sturdy enough instrument to do the job, having spent more than my share of time around toy trains.

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