Madonna spanks Amy Schumer onstage during Madison Square Garden concert

17 Sep 2015 | Author: | No comments yet »

Amy Schumer Dances With Madonna Onstage and Calls Out Hollywood Ageism.

Madonna announced Schumer as support for the New York dates of her ‘Rebel Heart’ Tour earlier this year. Plenty of people may have called Amy Schumer an “unapologetic bitch” in the past, but surely none of them have done it with the amount of affection and admiration as Madonna. The stand-up has been opening Madonna’s shows with a 40 minute stand-up routine and last night returned to the stage during the finale of the show to join her for a twerk. Madonna brought out Schumer during her song “Unapologetic B—-,” where she playfully smacked the actress’ bottom before the two shimmied together on stage.

Following the dance, Madonna crowns her as “tonight’s unapologetic bitch” before telling the crowd, “every night we have a prize for the unapologetic bitch of the evening. You go to see Madge dressed up in elaborately designed samurai, matador, and flapper outfits with so much theatrical flair, they look like they were hand-stitched by the ghosts of Rogers and Hammerstein’s costume designers. But the show took an odd turn when the “Living for Love” singer put a sock puppet on Schumer’s arm and then handed her a banana, leading the “Trainwreck” star to mime a risque act. This is the best, this is the shit!” During her nearly 40-minute set – filled with childhood anecdotes, a story about her 18-month-old niece, a retelling of her prank on Katie Couric at the Glamour Awards and some of her top-performing sex jokes – Schumer garnered cheers for Trainwreck – “Very proud of it, didn’t make a lot of money, but very proud” – and she noted how, as she promoted her summer film often, the press often asked her the same question: “‘Isn’t it an exciting time for women in Hollywood?’ First of all, I’m from New York, I’ve lived here my whole life.

Besides hitting the stage with Madonna, the 34-year-old also shared some major news during the show: She will headline her own stand-up concert at Madison Square Garden on June 23. I’ve been in one movie, and I don’t feel like a woman in Hollywood, but I think I can speak for them when I say no.” “In Hollywood, why would it be exciting?” she continued before noting how Devin Fabry, a young actress who says her cheeks make it difficult to land gigs, was thankful to play a 9-year-old version of Schumer in Trainwreck. “In an industry that judges you solely based on your appearance when you know that every day you’re just decomposing, barreling toward death while smaller, younger starlets are popping out? … Two dates in Miami (August 29-30) plus gigs in Atlanta (September 2) and San Juan in Puerto Rico (September 5-6) were affected by the decision and will now take place next year. That “best feeling” might have been topped later in the evening for Schumer, who was brought onstage by Madonna to dance during the Rebel Heart song “Unapologetic Bitch.” After Madonna lifted Schumer’s dress to show the audience her underwear, the two walked the length of the stage so the comedian could dance for the headliner – and be part of a little prank.

So try and sing along if you can.”) After “Material Girl,” she tossed a wedding bouquet to a gay couple up front, then snickered, “Suckers!” She used crucifixes as stripper poles, doing the “Vogue” rap while writhing against a dancer clad in a nun’s wimple and feathery hot pants. Her cassocked dancers simulated a group-grope orgy at the Last Supper while the guest of honor chanted “Yeezus loves my pussy best!” And all night long, her banter was the toppest of notch, like when she introduced her gorgeous new acoustic country-hoedown version of “True Blue.” “No swear words in this song,” she announced. “This is a song about true love.

Are you serious?” Which might be why Schumer and Madonna seemed like such a surprisingly perfect match up there onstage: each of them frustrated with and refusing to follow the rules that say women must become shy and retiring after the age of 30. The UK dates mark Madonna’s return to London’s O2 Arena for the first time since falling at February’s Brit Awards, an incident she recently described as “the most embarrassing moment of my life”.

Uh… Any band?” She killed it with dirty jokes involving Katie Couric, the Kardashians, and Abraham Lincoln, warming up the crowd for a set that later found Madonna talking in a Betty Boop voice, cracking jokes with the audience (“You’re too horny for me!” she told a man wearing bull horns), and finally bringing Schumer back on stage to dance to “Unapologetic Bitch” and… er, play with her Sock Bitch puppet. She opened with “Iconic,” as a bleak image of Mike Tyson stared the crowd down from a massive video screen and Madonna was lowered from the ceiling in a red and black kimono, writhing around inside a cage made of swords.

In voiceover mode, we could hear her sermonizing about how creativity is being crushed by corporate machine—an ironic message for a pop star who has cultivated such a powerful brand, she now sells a Material Girl fashion line at Macy’s. Dancers dressed as gladiators descended upon the stage, in hardware masks that covered their faces, and standing before them as their queen, Madonna, looked like Daenerys Targaryn from Game of Thrones, her long wavy blonde hair flowing behind her, her arms raised up as if to say, Love me! It’s like taking a warm bath in a tub full of dick that doesn’t want you.” She talked abut how hot Bradley Cooper’s girlfriend is (“She’s like a panther fucked a gazelle and they fucked Gisele”) and how hot Bradley Cooper is (“you would just grab your ankles and say ‘any hole’s fine'”). As visually spectacular as it was narratively heavy-handed, it felt like a callback to her last tour, MDNA, which featured a dark charade that found Madonna wielding a gun on stage. For the encore, she came back out to let Madonna kick her in the ass, right before “Holiday.” But it was Madonna’s night. “Body Shop” was a Fifties-style dance routine where she rolled in on the hood of a vintage Chevy, just like Christie Brinkley in Billy Joel’s “Keeping the Faith” video,” then frolicked in glitter ankle boots with a harem of hot greaser mechanics, all looking like the boy who knocked her up in the “Papa Don’t Preach” video. (So true: Italians do it better!) Then she sat her dancers down on a pile of tires and adopted a Dolly Parton twang to tell them, “Like my grandma always said, if it’s got tits or tires, it’s gonna give you trouble.” “Like a Virgin” was one of the night’s peak moments — the song got pimped up with the Egyptian-lover electro-beats from “Music,” while she took the stage alone to revamp her cowgirl line-dance moves from the “Don’t Tell Me” video.

She also said, “It’s so hot in here,” which is Madonna-speak for, “You don’t mind if I strip this shirt off, do you?” She kept getting surprisingly sentimental about playing the Garden, 30 years after her 1985 Virgin Tour. Back then, she always used to ask the crowd, “Will you marry me?” Tonight the girl was in a slightly shadier mood. “I don’t know about marriage,” she mused, after her bouquet toss. “Do you want to marry me?” When fans screamed, she replied, “No, you probably don’t.

It led to the emotional highlight of the night, when she picked up her acoustic guitar for one of her saltiest and best Number One hits, a song she hasn’t performed since the Eighties: “Who’s that Girl,” leading the audience in the question “¿Quien es esa niña?” The question hung in the air. “I still don’t know,” Madonna said after the song. “I still don’t know. When she did dip into her back catalogue, she teased the audience with medleys that fused oldies with newer tracks. “Holy Water” segued into “Vogue,” as Madonna cavorted with scantily clad nuns (played by male dancers in ruffled white panties) who swung around on crucifixes that towered at three stories high.

Just a few months later, she returned, except this time she was onstage as the headliner. (Duran Duran were back in NYC this week too — and like Madonna, brazen enough to jumpstart an excellent show with an excellent new song, “Paper Gods.” The Eighties are the flattest of circles.) But that’s why she’s Madonna. She might be still figuring out who the fuck she is — but a stage this size is always the place she goes to look for clues. 2015 may not bring everything that Back to the Future II promised it would: flying cars, self-lacing shoes, we don’t see ’em happening over the next 12 months. (Then again, don’t bet against Nike.) But this year will definitely pack plenty of punch when it comes to cultural happenings. Mad Max will roar back out of the apocalypse while Mad Men rides off into the sunset, rock’s Antichrist Superstar and hip-hop’s Yeezus will rise again. She infused “Deeper and Deeper” with a pulsing house undercurrent that felt contemporary again in a dance-music era where groups like Disclosure reign.

She sang “La Vie En Rose” in French, possibly to celebrate the 100th anniversary of Edith Piaf’s death, or maybe to rile up her rumored rival Lady Gaga, who has claimed the song as her own signature set piece. A girl can get awful nervous under these lights!” it sounded like she was playfully taking a shot at Taylor Swift, whose golly-gosh enthusiasm and ukulele strumming defined her Speak Now tour. Madonna recently told EW that she and Swift had planned to work on something together after teaming up for the iHeart Radio Music Awards in March, but the collaboration fell apart. But she also took pleasure in just being a goofball, whether she was pretending to throw back tequila shots during a Spanish-tinged-guitar rendition of “Get Into the Groove,” joining a conga line for “Dress You Up,” or dressing like a sexy Uncle Sam for the closer, “Holiday,” which arrived complete with a big confetti explosion.

She even tried to riff with the crowd about her own unluckiness in love, asking the whole room, “Anyone want to get hitched?” Judging by accounts of her previous show in Montreal, the stage banter was scripted.

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