How ‘The Bachelorette’ Men Got Ready to Meet Kaitlyn, Britt

20 May 2015 | Author: | No comments yet »

‘The Bachelorette’ Season 11 Premiere: Kaitlyn and Britt Butt Heads, One Guy Gets Kicked Off.

Things got even more awkward than usual on the season-11 premiere of The Bachelorette, as Kaitlyn Bristowe and Britt Nilsson both wished the other wasn’t there, one guy got kicked off the show and we got to learn what Chris Harrison would look like riding a dinosaur.

This season, the producers, in their infinite wisdom, decided to shake things up and have both Britt Nilsson and Kaitlyn Bristowe, who were winnowed from the herd of women looking for love with Chris Soules on the most recent season of The Bachelor, vie for the chance to pre-mate (in a hot tub!) on live television. The episode was all about the season’s novel twist, with both Kaitlyn and Britt forced to fend for votes in order to be anointed the official rose distributor. But hopefully it will lead to a better chance for true love to blossom.” Kaitlyn Bristowe — the dance instructor from Vancouver who didn’t cry until Chris Soules sent her home last season, in what may be a Bachelor record — was crying to the camera before the first limo of men was unloaded. And instead of a lady voting on which dudes should stay, the guys picked which of the two girls would make it to the next week and be the main Bachelorette.

As the women described their thoughts leading up to the limos’ arrival, it was clear they were on very different pages, as Britt was as confident as ever, while Kaitlyn was not relishing the thought of competing. Then, instead of letting Britt and Kaitlyn fight over the men in a Thunderdome of Love, which would be uncivilized and one of them might break a nail or something, the men will choose who they will woo. With long-running shows like “American Idol” being canceled after next season and “Survivor” having its lowest premiere ratings ever in February, “The Bachelorette” still attracts loyal viewers who know exactly what they want to see. “I don’t really want to hear the conversations, I want to know the decisions,” Penn told Jimmy Kimmel in March. “And I want to see someone cry. But since this season has too much drama for one episode, we don’t find out who the guys chose until Tuesday night, after they vote by “putting the roses in the girls’ boxes,” which sounds sexual, but is not. Chris Harrison’s explanation of getting such a mixed reaction from the guys that the producers decided to let them decide just didn’t sit right with us, mostly because we were still operating under the illusion that the suitors were picked for the star, not the other way around.

I’m trying to be positive and I’m excited, but I’m also very uncomfortable.” There’s also something a little wrong with it, given this show is supposed to empower the woman, not the men — and choices are being made so quickly. “It’s all based on initial attraction,” said Kaitlyn. “It’s just going to be very awkward and uncomfortable being compared to somebody and guys are supposed to chose. Then, see someone get ecstatic, and then . . . cry.” Most fans are in for the hilarity, the roses, the tears, the tension between contestants, the wildly over-the-top producer-engineered dates, the awkward Hometown Dates and the creepy Fantasy Suites, the visits from the EMTs and the drunken pool-jumping (which by some unspoken law needs to happen at least once per season).

This later led to Kaitlyn running into the house to tell the already-arrived men that she loved meeting them, which clearly rubbed Britt the wrong way. There was moonshine, balloons and even a puck, which came with the best delivery of the night, courtesy of J.J., a 32-year-old from Denver who grew up playing hockey. “I would love to puck you,” he said, matching the tenor of her opening line to Prince Farming last year — “you can plow my field any time.” The first gift to Britt? The show exists in its own time-space continuum, where most people are blond and Midwestern and wear prom attire and make grand entrances dressed as a large cupcake or driving a souped-up car with a hot tub for a back seat. Then there’s Josh, a 27-year-old law student who is putting himself through school as an exotic dancer (basically a “real” life version of Danny Castellano from The Mindy Project). Tissues, a reference to the amount of time she spent crying on The Bachelor. “Is that soap or tissue?” cracked Kaitlyn. (For those with short memories, Britt was mocked last season for never showering.) And when Kaitlyn went in the mansion early to say hey to the guys, Britt stood outside and complained about how unfair it was and how it seemed like “cheating”. “I feel like I have to prove in 30 seconds that I’m wife material so they can go put a rose in my box,” Britt said. “It’s such an odd position to be put in, to be voted on by multiple people.” • Chris, 28, a dentist from Nashville, drove himself to the limo in a cupcake.

It’s a world where there is no act more egregious than to appear on the show “for the wrong reasons,” such as hoping to promote one’s singing/modeling/acting/personal-training career. He’s on #TeamKaitlyn and he’s not afraid to show it, calling her “smart and beautiful and funny and very charismatic.” (We agree!) Also, he has a pretty intense back story: He was a Princeton track star who got in a car accident and was “left for dead.” After some intense physical therapy and training, he proved doctors wrong and learned to run again.

In other news, one of the guys kissed a plant goodbye in his intro package, so at least these men seem entertainingly crazy enough to help us forget about the twist as soon as this stupid vote is over. There is also a healthy array of blokes with incredibly soporific-sounding jobs, like, investment bankers, former investment bankers, insurance agents, international auto shipperzzzzzz. He quickly got intoxicated and proceeded to pick fights with the guys, including “amateur sex coach” Shawn E. (so many of this season’s professions require quotation marks). At Monday night’s introduction cocktail party, Britt tackled the “not serious” notion, saying: “I’m looking for a best friend . . . to share my life with.

After Ryan repeatedly used the phrase “horned up,” threatened one guy with rape and got handsy with Kaitlyn, Chris Harrison — no, Ryan, thankfully it was not “Chris Hansen,” the erstwhile host of To Catch a Predator — pulled him aside and asked him to leave. Clint drew an incredible, awe-inspiring picture of Chris Harrison holding a rose and riding a Triceratops (see above), while Shawn B./Ryan Gosling x10 (our pick for the winner) brought an adorable picture his nephew had drawn of Kaitlyn and convinced us right then and there to fall in love with him. The only thing we do know is that when it came time for the votes to be counted, neither woman wanted to leave — reinforcing, again, the awkwardness of the whole scenario. Then there’s the guy who shows up at the mansion with a giant cupcake, which either Britt or Kaitlyn can drown their sorrows in if the men choose wrong. The other guys, however, did get to pick boxes for their roses and we felt like we were watching a strange version of Survivor where everyone was well-fed and wearing make-up.

Before the show begins, Chris Harrison reminds viewers that change isn’t easy and that we will all get through his awkward, painful process together. Chris Harrison even pulled a full Jeff Probst when he said, “I’ll go tally the votes!” and we’ve got some new ideas for what the next season of Bachelor in Paradise (our actual new favorite show) should be like. So pull out your favorite adult beverage, grab your Kleenex, sprinkle your couch with rose petals and get ready to walk hand in hand with either Kaitlyn or Britt on their journey to find love.

Others were already smitten with Kaitlyn, including Shawn B., who gave her a picture drawn by his nephew. (With all the artwork, it was sometimes hard to tell whether this was The Bachelorette or an auction at Christie’s.) As was safe to assume with a two-part premiere, viewers didn’t learn who got the most roses, which will be announced in Tuesday’s follow-up. The limos pull up, and as the 25 men spill out, it’s clear that Britt is winning (or those sneaky producers want it to seem like Britt is winning) as all the men flock to her and Kaitlyn stands there like a fourth-grade nothing in gym class. Sure, they’re wowed by Britt’s looks — she’s a 15 out of 10, said one; on a scale of one to 10 she’s a billion, said another — while Kaitlyn impressed them with her personality and how real she was. The guys had some time to think about what a wife means to them, and the more wondering we heard about, the more easily we were able to predict the end of the episode: a big fat “To Be Continued” spread across the screen.

Ben H., a software salesman from Denver, David, a real estate agent from Orlando, Kupah, an entrepreneur from Boston, and Corey and the Cory, the Bens, Shawns, and Ryans are all blending into a crowd of spray tans, white teeth and implied cologne. Then he stripped down into his skivvies to take a dip in the pool while yelling, “I’m so horned up!” Finally a security guard showed up to taken Ryan to the principal’s office. Bachelorette Milestone: Chris Harrison came into the mansion and told the group that Ryan was sent home, not because he was drunk or inappropriate, but because he wasn’t there for the right reasons. The women get slightly panicked looks in their eyes, but try to swallow it down to continue their flirting and run their own personal get-out-the-vote drive fueled by eyelash batting, sweet smiles and sultry looks.

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