David Letterman Jokes About Elian Gonzalez, Scientology in His Final Monologue

21 May 2015 | Author: | No comments yet »

‘Your extensive plastic surgery was a necessity and a mistake’The king of late-night television, David Letterman, brought the curtain down on a 33-year career in an emotional final show packed with jokes and farewells from US presidents, Hollywood stars and devoted fans. Here is the celebrity-delivered top 10 list on David Letterman’s final show before the TV host’s retirement, with the category: Things I’ve Always Wanted To Say To Dave.

It took a couple of attempts for him to get his speech going as his emotions got the better with him, but it turns out with good reason – he owes a lot to David Letterman.Comedy stars from Steve Martin to Tina Fey and the rock band Foo Fighters ushered David Letterman into retirement Wednesday after 33 years and 6,028 broadcasts of his late-night shows on CBS and NBC.Rather than spend his final hour as host of the Late Show with David Letterman collecting plaudits and remembering his triumphs, David Letterman used his farewell as an hour-plus-long exercise in self-deprecation.

The weeks leading up to his goodbye have been star-studded and the final three episodes were no exception, featuring the likes of Tom Hanks, Eddie Vedder, Bob Dylan, and a very lively Bill Murray. The transplanted Hoosier, who made Top Ten lists and ironic humor staples of television comedy and influenced a generation of performers, will be replaced by Stephen Colbert in September. It began with his cold open, which ran tape of several former U.S. presidents saying “Our long national nightmare is over,” concluding with President Obama saying: “Our long, national nightmare is over.

The taped intro of President Barack Obama and former presidents George Bush, Bill Clinton and George W Bush referenced President Gerald Ford’s declaration to the country when he took office following the 1974 resignation of Richard Nixon. Letterman’s final show was an expectedly lighthearted and self-deprecating look back at the comedian’s late-night tenure, culminating in a performance from one of his favorite bands. Fans and photographers clustered outside the 53rd Street side entrance to Manhattan’s Ed Sullivan Theater on Wednesday afternoon to watch a steady stream of celebrities arriving, including Jerry Seinfeld, Chris Rock, Jim Carrey, Julia Louis-Dreyfus, Barbara Walters, Peyton Manning and Alec Baldwin along with Fey and Martin. That shrug set the tone for the rest of the show, in which Letterman celebrated an imaginary world where nobody actually likes him or his confusing, alienating show. As for the host, Letterman “was guarded but you could tell it was really hard for him,” said John Bernstein, who flew in from Los Angeles to see the finale.

Played onto the stage by his longtime musical director and band leader Paul Shaffer one last time, Letterman started off his monologue by poking fun at the great late-night war saying, “It’s beginning to look like I’m not going to get The Tonight Show.” He went on to joke about his poor eyesight, his age and what he would do next, joking that he and Shaffer are going to be starting their own Vegas show with a white tiger in a few weeks. Anticipating the end, viewers sent Letterman to the top of the late-night ratings the week before last for the first time since Jimmy Fallon took over at NBC’s “Tonight” show and they competed with original telecasts.

Their pithy one-liners paid tribute to the caustic and at times grumpy humor of the veteran broadcaster, the longest-serving nighttime US talk show host, who has been on air since getting his first show on NBC in 1982. “Thank you and goodnight,” Letterman said at the end of what was the 6 028th television show of his career, calling a multitude of tributes “flattering, embarrassing and gratifying”. The episode also featured some classic moments from Late Show history, perhaps most famously the clip of Letterman working at Taco Bell drive-thru in 1996, a famous moment from the show’s history. Critics have praised Letterman for combining innovative and odd-ball antics with traditional interviews, and for inspiring some of most the talented comics working today in Britain and the United States. Celebrities used to being fawned over either clicked with his prickly personality or didn’t, and when Cher called him a more profane version of “jerk,” it became a memorable moment.

Alec Baldwin delivered #10: “Of all the talk shows, yours is most geographically convenient to my home.” Jerry Seinfeld gave #7: “I have no idea what I’ll do when you go off the air. His audience welcomed him back after a heart bypass, listened as he became the first late-night host back on the air after the 2001 terrorist attacks and saw him acknowledge to inappropriately having sex with a subordinate. Then Leno landed an interview with British actor Hugh Grant in 1995, just after he was caught with a prostitute, and Letterman’s ratings never caught up. Letterman ended the episode by thanking his crew, showing clips from various segments over the years, and thanking wife Regina and son Harry, who looked adorably nervous as the audience gave them a standing ovation.

As retirement neared, Letterman joked about second thoughts. “Next week I’ll be Googling foods that improve prostate health,” the 68-year-old host said Tuesday. Jim Carrey appeared as one of the show’s final guests, and Carrey came out with lavish praise: “It’s an honor for me to be here on this historic night. Through it all, Letterman won numerous Emmy awards – the most highly prized accolade in American television – and was nominated dozens of times, including every year from 1984 to 2009.

When the comedian thanked his band, Shaffer told Letterman, “You’ve changed our lives and we’ve loved every second of it!” The show closed with the Foo Fighters, who played Letterman’s favorite song, “Everlong” — the same one they played in 2000 when he returned from heart surgery. The Top Ten list was “Famous Last Words.” Bob Dylan sang the standard “The Night We Called it a Day.” Frequent foil Regis Philbin walked on, and they both expressed their admiration for each other. Fallon opened his Wednesday monologue by saying: “I want to thank you for watching this on your DVR after you watched Letterman.” Comments that are judged to be defamatory, abusive or in bad taste are not acceptable and contributors who consistently fall below certain criteria will be permanently blacklisted. Otherwise I’d be sitting at home watching Nightline.” What people say when the cameras are on and what they say when no one is watching are often entirely different things.

David Letterman built his career on his reluctance to conform to traditional show-business standards and practices, his distaste for traditional show-business glad-handing. My favorite thing from the show—and probably the strangest thing from the show—was when Letterman introduced his family, and then proceeded to introduce his son’s friend, because why not? “Harry wanted me to introduce his buddy Tommy Roboto,” Letterman said, as the camera showed the young, big-eyed Mr.

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