Alternative holiday movies feature evil Santas and violent elves

13 Dec 2015 | Author: | No comments yet »

Barnaby Joyce and Santa put out Christmas call to protect nation’s biosecurity.

Once upon a time, life was simple for a shopping mall Santa Claus. My children Charlotte, 11, and Alexander, 9, have taken part in an annual program at their school, known as a Kid Like Me, where they are supposed to earn some money by doing chores around the house.Federal Agriculture Minister Barnaby Joyce may have made an enemy of Hollywood star Johnny Depp earlier this year, but it has clearly not put him on the celebrity blacklist: he has issued a joint statement with Santa Claus on Australia’s biosecurity measures.

For a small fee, he’d growl ‘ho, ho, ho’, lift a child on to his knee, listen patiently to their requests, and send them on their way with a small gift. Less than two weeks out from Christmas Day, Mr Joyce and his red-suit-wearing friend have confirmed December 25 celebrations would go ahead as scheduled this year.

Hilarious police mugshots show what happens when Christmas turns sour… and you end up in custody in a festive jumper or even an elf costume Some have Santa Claus-style white hair and beards while others are wearing colourful costumes – including a Louisiana man dressed as Buddy the Elf from the hit movie Elf who was arrested and charged for drunken driving. But in today’s politically correct world, Father Christmas must safely negotiate the minefield of modern manners – and that is where School4Santas comes in.

And at an extended family Christmas gathering, instead of exchanging presents with every child, one present is designated for an unknown child, to be dropped off at the mall or fire hall ahead of the party. The Deputy Nationals leader appears to be hoping Santa’s considerable sway in the community can help reinforce the need to protect the nation’s quarantine measures. “We can’t just let foreign animals, unknown packages and soiled vehicles into the country willy nilly, so we need to make some special considerations to help Santa get his job done. Officers at one station in Tennessee put out a tongue-in-cheek arrest mugshot which claimed the Grinch was under arrest for attempted ‘theft of Christmas’.

While most people at the Globe-Times worked day shifts at what was an afternoon newspaper, the publication maintained a small, but happy, night staff of two reporters, one photographer, several typists, a half-dozen correspondents and two janitors. Spending a weekend morning last December in Scarborough, delivering stacks of bright-red Toronto Star Santa Claus Fund boxes, made far more of an impression. The upmarket Palacio de Hierro has caused a social media storm since its slimmed-down version of Santa Claus appeared on giant billboards across the megacity. Connaghan has become the go-to St Nick in Hollywood, hired by celebrities such as Steven Spielberg, Jamie Lee Curtis and Paris Hilton for private parties.

We arrive at a storage room in a public housing complex, where a cheerful Scout leader is doling out assignments — routes carefully marked, boxes stacked, and already labelled with a child’s name and age. The 67-year-old, who sports a snowy beard and flowing silver mane, has used his 17 years’ experience as a professional Santa to train more than 3,200 others on grotto etiquette. ‘The days of hoisting a kid on to your knee and giving them sweets is long gone,’ says Tim. ‘It’s a very PC world and even Santa has to follow the rules. Claus’ long white beard is recognizable, but his high cheekbones and stylish burgundy coat are the mirror opposite of the jolly, plump Santa in the red suit. “It’s official, I have recovered my faith and Christmas spirit,” tweeted @IamPinkMystery while @Daflette asked: “At which @palaciohierro will #MrClaus be so I can go sit in his lap and tell him what I want?” “Your Santa scares me” or “This Santa Claus looks like a psychopath from the series ‘Criminal Minds’” are some of the most negative reactions. Others, like @compayin, don’t like the look: “Are you kidding me, Santa Hipster?” Some found him way too slim, with @tramosg lamenting that “Santa isn’t so skinny!!! Give him something to eat.” The campaign’s creator is Nacho Borja, creative services coach at advertising firm TeranTBWA, who said the goal was to find a character that represented Palacio de Hierro’s spirit and to “reinvent” the holiday message. “We aren’t really saying that this character is Santa Claus.

In December 2011, police arrested a woman with festive hair coloring for driving without privileges and failure to provide proof of insurance The nightmare before Christmas: Mugshots show an unidentified Santa lookalike (left) arrested on December 23, 2010 – charged with assault, obstruction and disorderly conduct – and a man in a Christmas sweater arrested for DUI (center). I then borrowed the circulation department’s red-and-white suit. (A note to younger readers: Santa Claus needs lots of help and helpers at Christmas time. Your hands must be visible at all times.’ Once the child is in place, the questions they pose can be a minefield: ‘I’ve had kids ask me if I can bring Mummy and Daddy back together again or cure Grandma’s cancer. At no time am I claiming to have been THE Santa Claus, but rather A Santa Claus, who helps to reduce the holiday burden on the big guy from the North Pole.) Ringing a bell and carrying a sack of small presents, I entered the newsroom to applause and cheers.

I have to explain that pets don’t fly well on Santa’s sleigh.’ He carries a Santa survival kit including wet wipes, a hand sanitiser, breath mints and a spare red suit (‘I’m always getting peed on’), and says he never breaks out of character: ‘You have a moral responsibility to uphold Santa’s values. Nick — playing the part at a party for Post-Gazette correspondents and for members of the Lithuanian Citizens Society at our Christmas Eve “Kucios” celebration. You can’t be naughty.’ He even politely declined a request by former world boxing champion Oscar de la Hoya to pose with a ‘fists up’ stance. ‘Santa’s a pacifist,’ he says.

He’s called the “Kaledu Senalis,” or the “Old Man of Christmas.” That name has become more and more appropriate as my own, relatively short beard has gone from dark brown to gray to white. The Wintergarden at PPG Place in the Golden Triangle is home each year to a display of Santa-like figures from around the world called “Spirits of Giving.” One year, Pittsburgh’s Lithuanian-American community was invited to take part with a presentation on Christmas customs in the Baltic countries. A day delivering Santa Claus boxes won’t change the world, but it’s a least a small lesson to show children — mine who are the only grandchildren on both sides — what it might be like in another person’s shoes. As the designated “Kaledu Senalis,” I was dressed in a below-the-knee red coat, belted with a traditional Lithuanian sash, or “juosta.” I also carried a bishop’s staff, which linked the mostly pagan “Kaledu Senalis” to St. My children can’t articulate what the morning was like, or why it was meaningful, but Charlotte said: “It was good to help someone who doesn’t have much, get something.”

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